My Life Is Meaningless

October 1st, 2017by thehusk

I mean all life is, objectively speaking. ‘Meaning’ being largely subjective. But I think I’ve irreversibly cut myself off from most of the things that I find subjectively meaningful – love, romance, friendship, etc.

It feels like I should probably end it. But letting go is hard. These irrational parts of my mind keep demanding that I find some way to make the impossible into reality.

Maybe I should force the issue, force myself to end it. Or perhaps I should try to find some way to let go of all those things that I’ve cut myself off from, and instead appreciate the few things that are still left to me. Or maybe I should keep trying to force myself to make what seems impossible a reality.

It’s hard to know. There’s no way to really step outside of your life, to objectively judge it. To know when it’s time to give up the ghost, or how to go about doing that. The stories we tell as a society are all about absolute winners, or irredeemable losers. There’s no guidance on how to keep living when you can’t win, or if that’s even worth doing. We’re told to always follow our dreams, rather than how to let go of those that are causing us pain. Suicide can only ever be an act of desperation, rather than the wisest course of action. Losers can never be making the best choice when they put an end to things.

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