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I finally gave up…

by lonelylostsoul

Yeah, as the title says, I gave up.. I am not a fighter, and I just can’t see myself winning this battle anymore. I don’t have much time left.. Well, I have 4 days, to be exact. I guess this is the last goodbye to the world.. Not like I’ll be missed by many, but hey..

Thank you, my friends, family, for making me want to kill myself. Now I will, because of you all.

And to my only true friend – I loved you so much. I’m really sorry.


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muspelhem 11/8/2017 - 2:07 pm


I just wanted to say: I hope you don’t kill yourself. I hope you stay with us.

I understand that you’re tired, and that you don’t want to fight anymore. You don’t have to. You need help.

And I don’t mean someone who will pump you full of medication or tell you what to do. I mean someone who will listen to you and work with you and comfort you and support you. I think that’s what you need.

It’s good that you have given yourself some days still. I’m glad. Losing you would be so sad.

As someone who has met two people who went on to kill themselves, I will tell you that it affects people you probably never imagined it would affect. The suicides I knew were just aquaintances – not close friends. But it still made me so sad. I wished I had told them what they meant to me. One of them was just a really good, gentle guy. I was surprised he even wanted to be friends with me – first I though he was a bad boy type. The other was this amazing young woman who was just quirky and funny and different and rebellious and kind. I know the world would have been a better place with those two still in it.

I’m so sorry you feel like your friends and family have driven you to suicide. Maybe that was not their intention? If it was, there are people in the world who will be kind to you and wish only the best for you.

I’m glad you have a friend you love, though. That is something. Something valuable.

Also, I don’t think you need to be sorry for feeling bad. It’s not your fault. And you’re so young.

Please dont’ despair, and don’t think you’re alone. Reach out. Ask for help. Babies cry so that people will notice and take care of them. Cry out. Tell people what you need.


lonelylostsoul 11/10/2017 - 5:22 pm

Well, your wish has been granted. I cannot kill myself. As much as I want to, I just can’t.

And as for everything else.. First of all, my family and friends did mean to hurt me. They’ve proven it dozen of times. Second of all, I can’t ask for help. I just can’t. I’ve been to a psychologist before, and I still go every month or so, but it isn’t helping. I just can’t express my feelings to someone that I don’t trust or know for a while. Third of all.. thank you so much for your time to write all this.. I appreaciate it..

ThirdClassWorldCitizen 11/8/2017 - 2:15 pm

Or you can toss everyone away and go live a life without them — it is a possibility.

lonelylostsoul 11/10/2017 - 5:23 pm

I can’t.. I wish I could though.. But I can’t, I still depend on my parents, and I still go to school.. I can’t just get away from everyone..

lonelylostsoul 11/10/2017 - 5:24 pm

Thank you for your time though..

Cause of Death: Suicide 11/8/2017 - 10:30 pm

Amen. Hallelujah. I hope your exit is peaceful, successful, and maybe even blissful, if that is what you choose. I would choose the same, yet am unable. I am trapped here.

lonelylostsoul 11/10/2017 - 5:25 pm

Thank you. I really wanted that to happen. But I guess it won’t come true after all.

Betterthings 11/8/2017 - 11:04 pm

I also hope you don’t kill yourself. Life can be so rough.. so hard, but things can get better. If you are in a bad situation, let the group know if you need help. I am happy to help in any way that I can to get you out of whatever situation has you feeling so desperate. As someone who has been on the edge, trust that there are better things to come and life is worth living.

lonelylostsoul 11/10/2017 - 5:27 pm

Life maybe is worth living, but I don’t think I deserve a life. I’ve done so much mistakes in my life.. In fact, I myself am a mistake.. It’d be better if I was never born, honestly.. But, hey.. I can’t do anything about it..

suicidaldreamer 11/9/2017 - 11:35 am

giving up takes guts too, especially if you’re a fighter. i feel like it eventually gets to a point where you realize there just isn’t any winning, and it’s just going to be an endless battle that will completely wear you out, turning you into a lifeless, walking corpse. best of luck to you, my friend.

lonelylostsoul 11/10/2017 - 5:29 pm

Yeah. Thank you. Wish I had given up on my body for real, just like I did on my mind. But oh well.

RubixCube 11/10/2017 - 1:02 pm

I hope you finally find peace, I hope you have a good rest.

lonelylostsoul 11/10/2017 - 5:30 pm

I hoped for that too. But I guess I just wasn’t meant to be relieved from this pain, to be in peace. Thanks for your time though.

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