my heart is heavy for you—heavy, but empty. when i look at you, i swear, i can feel every word i wish i could say get caught in my throat—every syllable quietly filing back into my mind and into my heart, filling it up again.
it hurts. you are peaches and cream and lavender and love and sun and laughter and i feel like i can’t breathe around you.
i will never be able to tell you what i want to say. i will never, ever, be able to tell you that i think i am in love—yes, in love—with someone who will never know.
i’m falling apart. i don’t know what to do.
it hurts to see you every day because i wish it was me by your side. i wish it was me, even just as your friend—i wish it was me—able to look into your eyes and hear your voice and listen to everything you have to say because i just want to learn about you. i want to know what you think and how you feel and what you dream about and everything you love.
i’m just being stupid.
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“it hurts to see you every day because i wish it was me by your side. i wish it was me—even just as your friend”
What’s stopping you from being his friend?
he has a lot. in my head it doesn’t make sense why he would spend his time one someone like me when he has so many other options, all better than me. he makes me nervous, so crazy nervous i fear i’ll say something i don’t mean—or worse, something i do. people don’t take me seriously in general, it feels like i never could truly talk to him
A true friend is better than a lot, and we can see only what’s in the surface anyway, we don’t know what people keep inside unless they let us see it.
Do you have things in common? Do you share interests? I am sure you could come up with some kind of strategy to approach him as a friend. Just don’t rush it, don’t force it, let things happen naturally — naturally at least from his perspective.
If you share things in common, you two will have a higher chance of bonding somehow. If not, you may even find out that he was quite different than what you expected and your feelings for him may diminish.
Maybe underneath the same start here thinking the same about you. What’s the worst thing that can happen if you tell him how you feel?
the worst? he could tell people, i’d be a joke. taken less seriously than i already am, a heartbroken boy he could never love—he’d avoid me, everyone would. he loves his girlfriend so much and as much as i love seeing him happy, it hurts
we have a lot in common—we like all the same music and he understands music theory, something i’ve been studying for years, so i thought that was really impressive. i talk to him sometimes, i’m just so fearful of coming on too strong or leaving to impression at all
Gosh, I love people who love music 😀
Anyway… damn, go for it then! Is him from your class? If you sit far from him, start sitting each day in a different place and then finally one day start sitting next to him, for example. See who are the people he most hang around with and try to approach them too, ask his help to solve a problem from class, or help him with something… There are so many ways of approaching people without looking like you are doing it on purpose… Just please, don’t become a freaking stalker, LOL… Keep in mind that you’re trying to befriend him, not trying to control his life. And keep your expectation low: if he is in fact straight, you won’t get what you really wish — so you also have to ask yourself if you really want to go through all this for someone you won’t ever have in your arms.