I became 50 years old this year. Last year was my year from hell in which for the first time I ended up on a psychiatric ward. I’ve improved and life has become easier but it is still painful and pointless. I look like I’ve been dragged through hell and am overweight due to my medication. I cannot deal with people at all (my psychiatrist thinks I’m autistic) and have to hide away, I don’t even see my few friends anymore. I’ve lived this semi-reclusive life for 33 years now. The world is fucking horrible and I don’t know how it continues. Several people I knew have killed themselves. Well there is no point to this post just felt like venting a bit. Hello to any fellow Brits out there.
36 comments
36 comments
I thought I detected an accent! Glad you shared. There are quite a few people here over 50. Hope you find your way.
it should be easier to suicide. why do bother keep people alive who wants to die? like we worth more than any dead ones. it should be legal to offer painless methods for suicide. unfortunately, people who believe in this dont live very long (I assume). just because “our loved ones” doesnt want us to die, we have keep feeling this shitty feelings. if we decide to die it has to be fkn painful since there are noone to fkn help us to suicide. I am relatively young but having this thoughts and feeling for a long time, when I read older dudes with depression I know thats who I am going to be, maybe worse I will be broke and alone.
It seems odd when the one thing we will all do is interfered with, against our wishes.
The problem is, would you want your loved ones to have easy access to painless means of suicide? Easier access equals more suicides.
I don’t think most decent people want the suicidal to suffer. They want us to be helped. It’s just that that can be very difficult with our current level of understanding of the mind as well as the tools at our disposal.
I suppose the lesson I struggle to learn is how to balance seeking help with getting the help you need, rather than the help other people think you need. They don’t always overlap.
the difference between me and people around me is that when someone decides something, I respect that, no matter how that makes me feel. I accept the fact that I can only form my own opinions, I can influence others but I can not decide for them. When they decide to do anything, it is the right thing to do for them.
also, why is more people dying a problem? what does make life valuable? Even if we dont kill ourselves, we will die and will be dead for eternity. People just can not accept that and hold on to some kind of eternal belief whether it is a religion or humanity or science or AI. We are biased because we are alive, but when you accept that you came from nothing and be nothing soon, it is impossible to stand to the bs that we came up with. the only things we should care are food, sleep and sex, because there is no meaningful thing in universe. It is the notion of absurd that Albert Camus talks about.
People wants to help, because they think depressed people are irrational. I thought that was true. Why do we think depressed are irrational? They dont make rational decisions, which we define as beneficial for them. We believe that there are differences among decisions. In reality, it is only true if the decisions could shape something eternal. Even from this big bang to next one, eternity makes our time as nothing. Thus, even me typing this is so meaningless that it shows how integrated I am to life even as a suicidal person. In the end “help” is biased like everything else we created.
Going by the court opinions in wrongful life lawsuits that have been waged and won, I would think at some point some of this reasoning could apply to some us here.
The world is a madhouse full of lusty, greedy, lazy people who don’t think too much and are happy to survive in the dirt like pigs do. Those of us who are hurt in any way are sidelined and left to fend for ourselves.
I wish I could kill the entire planet.
Hello out there. I’m tired and alone. I have no one
Hello cloe32. Is this the worst time of year for you?
I’ve tried to kill myself so many times. Now I’m covered in burns. It hurts when I move. I’m ugly itchy and empty. At the moment I can barely get out of bed or eat. There just seems like no point. My family has disowned me and I’m completely alone
Yes this time of year is terrible. I tried to act as though I was OK at Xmas but had a breakdown at my families house. Now none of them want anything to do with me
Welcome back cloe32. I saw your post from five years ago. Sounds like life is still sucking for you. How did you get the burns?
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression, borderline personality disorder and now ptsd from setting myself on fire. I was meant to die and now life is just unbearable
I was supposed to die four years ago, I didn’t, the feeling is a kind of awful all it’s own.
Are these first and second degree burns?
What happened to you a1957? If you don’t mind my asking?
I totally got interrupted and talked out of a carefully planned death by CO. I actually believed I would die on the appointed day. One the drive to where I would do the deed the police stopped and questioned me be because like a dumbass I let slip a good bye note hours before i should have. So tho nothing happened to my body my heart was so broken because I did not get to die and all resolve to repeat the attempt was lost for a while.
3rd degree. Its 28% of my body
The recovery from those can be complicated.
It’s cruel to be alive like this
I feel dead inside
I want to be out of pain. I think that since my life has become so unbearable that I should be allowed to go. It’s cruel to be kept alive in this half alive half dead state 🙁
I know one thing. Our heartless law makers say we are on our own with that unless we are lucky enough to live in just the right place and have just the right qualifying circumstances. How cruel is that?
Can someone help me?
I stopped eating in the hospital and they put me back on a feeding tube. The trauma is too much. I see tears in people’s eyes when they look at me
Wait a minute. What is your age?
I know. I wish I lived in Belgium or Switzerland.
33
You have the the legal right to refuse any treatment. Informed consent is required and then you may refuse it as part of your patient autonomy. I assume you are in the US.
Care givers can guilt and cajole and coerce really well on a topic like this but nonetheless, the decision to accept or reject a feeding tube is yours.
Pretty pathetic aye. 33 years of trying to end it now I’m stuck like this forever
I feel like I’ve wasted my life
Are you still there a1957
Yes.
Not sure if you wanted the feeding tube or not but you have the say so, whatever you decide.
Any kiwis on here?