Hey, good week everyone.
Hope you guys do well.
This post I’m addressing to any reader with a question :
In the end of the day, you are still alive. How come? How did you make it through? you are more than welcome sharing to me your secret.
I’m a little bit of suicidal now…
So freaking terrored by the idea of not making it through.
I see the following week and I’m disgusted of my life.
It’s going to be a tough time for me.
I never hoped to get this lonely, but here and there, life has brought me here.
Will I make it through, like you do?
Will I one day, stand in my house, with a happy smile, gazing upon my thoughts, seeing how broken hearted I was years ago, and to where I’ve got now.
There is a saying that goes like “training is hard, but war is easy”
No one told me how hard “training” can be. No one alerted me what my decisions held in them. I have so much responsibility, and so little means to deal with.
I feel mentally broken, almost mentally ill. I’m in deep anxiety, but fighting the urge to feel so. I’m talking rapidly to myself, and focusing on my homework and studies, but meanwhile I’m losing my sanity. Just 3 more years till the end, will I fucking make it?
Our society forgot one thing. it’s really easy to cry about something, just as easy as stating a solution. But making it through the day is the hard part. Making it through all of the “damn” failures, through all of the “lost loves”, lack of socially friendships and lack of company.
I have so much hate growling in me. I envy so much but can’t have none.
I find myself standing against many moral aspects, helpless.
I won’t give any details of what are my problems, because I don’t belive you should know what they are, since you won’t be able to help with them.
But I’ll give you the idea of how bad I feel. the fact that someone read this, and comment – it really helps.
And as for answering my own question – You guys, are what helping me go through.
Be brave, stay strong, yours Jac.
7 comments
If the truth be told, it’s because we are cowards and sacred of pain. The pain it takes to die. That is why we live today. No secret. We would rather suffer every day than take the risk of the ultimate pain that results in death.
I guess you are right
One day at a time, building then breaking and repeat. And putting one foot in front of the other even if you can’t see the ground with faith there’s something there.. what it amounts to.
What gives you faith?
At the end of they day, I think only other people can help you through. It depends a bit on your preferences, but going it alone… that stuff is for the movies IMO. It’s your friends that make it worthwhile, your friends that remind you it’s okay to be human, to be fallible and flawed. It’s your friends you can enjoy the simple things with. If you don’t have friends, find some.
I guess you might be right.
I have friends, enough friends.
But I’m having so much things to take care of that my friendships end at the lectures and reassess themselves.
Fear and negative emotions towards death or sucidie indicates restlessness. There’s no peace in the decision and so you won’t go through with it. Only when there’s peace in it will one go through with it. Because your true self, your inner being, so despisly rejects the notion of death as it is not your time yet, you feel these negative emotions, acting as an indicator to let you know what you really want is on the other side. On the other side is joy love peace and happiness, it’s where you want to be, where you feel at peace, at ease at, good to be in, and at rest being there. This tells us the act of death is unnatural to us and we don’t really want it. Sometimes though, one does pass away, and even in that act their sufferings are no more, and they are at peace, which is what they wanted all along.
Sometimes I want to go. I do have my own struggles that nobody will understand because they aren’t me, and I just have to deal with that, no matter how hurt or alone I feel. So in the end I try everyday to live for myself and to be at peace and happiness just for me, because it’s all I ever wanted. Nobody cares enough to help me or love me, so I have to love Me and talk to Me and be My best friend no matter how selfish that seems.. because if I don’t.. who will?
To constantly see good and uplift Me is what I’m currently working on.
And when I have the strength to stand, then I’m in a position to help others freely.