I just don’t want all this anymore, I can only get the day through because of antidepressants. Besides that, I don’t enjoy life, I never did. Life offers nothing nice, just pure pain and suffering. Have any of you felt the same? I mean, I was not always suicidal, but I never could enjoy life and see life as a beautiful gift from my parents like the other people. Not even as a child did I truly enjoy living.
I have been going to a psychologist and psychiatrist for 7 months now, have done a failed attempted that made me end up in the ICU (intensive Care Unit) and I ended up in a psychiatric hospital. It helped me a bit, I’m not as suicidal and depressed as I used to be. I mean, at the moment I can handle my depression and don’t feel the need to kill myself to end the pain that gave me. But I still can’t enjoy life, I still want to die, I still wish I was never born, that my existence was never here. I just don’t “enjoy” life like others can, I even hate this world for what it is. It feels weird to never have liked this world. I wonder if it will ever change… I guess not.
Also my feelings for this girl I used to like are coming back. Sigh.. I don’t love her again, but they are coming back, I can feel it. I don’t this. I did so much to lock these feelings up cuz I know I don’t have a change anyways. Nobody ever liked me, not even once. All my friends get to know about all the girls that like them and then there is me. Not even one girl has ever told me that she liked me. So what’s the point anyways.
I seriously miss the people who used to be on this site half a year ago. I wonder what happened to them.. I just hope they’re doing fine.
Sorry for the useless rant.
2 comments
I know the feeling you talking about. Not suicidal, not able to enjoy life either. There must be a winner when we are turned away from the grave but I doubt it is us.
Yeah, I doubt it’s us too.