Life is absurd. If cant give meaning to anything I do, I feel empty. I wasnt like this before, but here I am. People have some sort of meaning to keep living. It is about their job, love, friends, hobbies etc. I cant live like it anymore, everything has an end. It doesnt make sense to keep living if I dont value anything. That value would keep me strong even if I know it will cease to exist some time. Since I dont have it, I feel like a stranger, not from this world. So, I am bored to ask “why” all the time. If you think some things are how they supposed to be, if you feel there is something valuable in life, you should live, not me.
I took some anticoagulants and antiplatelets, after an hour I will take caffeine and use a numbing cream before I cut myself. Hopefully I will die. I am not sorry, I dont care what will happen after I die. I know I can solve my problems while living, but it is better to get rid of them, since it wont matter for me anyway.
Thank you all for reading. Have a wonderful life.
2 comments
Well then..
You make a good point about finding value. I hope you wake up and realize that you create value (an action that you choose) when you help others and love others. “It’s so hard to see when my eyes are on me.” That’s a line from a Keith Green song from the hippie years. He was a singer who died in a plane crash. He really authentically helped people….an interesting bio if you ever read about him. STEP AWAY FROM THE PILLS. Yes, I’d probably NOT go that direction on the pill thing. How about just take a walk, drink some ice cold water and then write down some goals about how you can help other people. Little things, big things. Take advantage of the time you are given here….and one day when it’s your time to leave, you will enjoy the movie of your life and how you helped/loved others and how they did the same for you (sometimes without you even knowing). No one said you will be happy. That’s just a fleeting emotion that comes and go. But you can love (an action.)