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Reasons to live – Are there any?

by Urm8451n

I woke up.
It is 2:00 am, everything so dark outside.
Most of the people are asleep, some are driving cars, which lights are being shown in my room, from those cars passing around my street.

All birds are dead quite.

It is me time. Because there is no stress around, I can finnaly see clarity. What does even bother me now? I’m happy. I’m glad to find peace once a while.

However, tomorrow keeps its own demons waiting for me. The stress is greater than ever. Some obstacles, will sure make me trip down.
I will fall.

But even then, I will keep on going my way, doing the best I can, whenever I can. Why is that?

The solely reason for it, is that I believe I can make it.
I’m part of a failing system, that has been born due to abusive and defect parenthood/family, which is dated back to grand grandfathers and grand grandmothers.

I’ve alot of whom to blame, but it is falsely to do so, and that is due to the fact -> ‘I’m responsible for my own acts ‘

Either you believe it or not, I actually do. I believe that I can get somewhere good, somewhere better.

I find it funny how some friends, or close people, told me “we want to be like you”.
I don’t believe them. I’m not happy, I’m not having “great time” or going out. I’m just “doing life” the best I can. With all the stress, and financial problems, that there are, I ‘m just doing life.

If I’m taking a glance at my past, it is only due to me having to look back, in-order to appreciate the future.

Each tiny step I take forward, is still a one step less to get to my goal.

Mindset of mine at 2:00, is what I lack at the other times of day.

Wish you best, luck, and true happiness.
Be brave, stay strong, yours, Jac

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a1957 12/5/2017 - 8:26 pm

Reasons to live – are there any? I’ll get back to you on that. All joking aside, maybe we have to find the reasons ourselves. My family of origin and ancestors a few generations back were abusive and dysfunctional so no reason can be found in my birth family context either. But right now I am loved and wanted by a few people and maybe I can find a reason in them.
The stress on me is great right now too. I do my best thinking at about 3 am.

Urm8451n 12/6/2017 - 6:02 am

thanks for the nice comments.
May I ask what are the sources for your stress?

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