It’s the same every year.
December is like the calm before the storm, where depression is bearable, but I can feel things are about to go downhill pretty soon. There’s a lot of distraction, from Christmas shopping to family visits. At least in principle I do like this time of year, without depression hanging over my head that is.
January is when it hits me full broadside. I always stay with my family from Christmas Eve until just after New Year, and when I go back to my place the drastic change makes me realize what I suppressed before: That winter-depression is here. Usually my sleeping schedule is messed up so much by now that I sometimes get up just when the sun is setting, missing even the few bits of daylight that are still there. On top of that, my birthday is just a week after New Year, which means having to answer phone calls asking how much I celebrated (not at all) and how many presents I got (none), and I have to fake a laugh just so I can keep up my charade. I’ll turn 25 this year, which sounds terrifying to me because I don’t even know what I did during the first half of my twenties, and they’re already over.
February and March are when exams come up, and I have to get my mood under control if I plan on passing and getting this degree over with. It’s been a close call every time so far, even though I managed somehow, so I’m not too excited about the prospect of failing. I don’t remember winter-depression ever being as bad as this time, almost certainly due to my breakup last year, so that just makes the next weeks and months even more fun than they’ve been before.
So yeah, fuck me and fuck this time of year.
9 comments
I understand why it’s a difficult time of year for you. I too have a winter birthday. I’m more than twice your age. I wonder if I’ve wasted my life or if I lived it. But take heart CDL! The days are getting longer. Good luck with your exams.
?(??´)?
I just wrote a big letter, and clicked post comment.
And now its gone with the wind -_-||
Sorry that happened to you. Every once a while this site eats a big comment. A wordpress mystery I guess.
Wordpress mystery 😀
Thanks. I usually copy my comments before posting them, and only this time i forgot it , this happend-_-
I have a bad luck-_-:))
I have the same-like e e situation.
Keep up the great work.
If you like debussy, these are good too(maybe you have heard them):
Liszt – consolation no.3
Tchaikovsky – autumn song, october, for piano opus 37
Ravel – pavane for dead princess
This one is simple but nice:
Maxence cyrin – no cars go
Wish you the best
And yeah f*ck this time of year
But im trying my best
I forgot this one, i love it 🙂 :
Chopin – Nocturne No.2 In E Flat Op.9 No.2 (by tamas vasary)
Seasonal depression is real. I experienced it when I lived in Boston and it would get dark at 4:30 in January. Lack of sunlight can mess with your psyche.
Using a sun lamp helped me. What would probably help you even more is getting back on a normal sleep schedule, so that you’re awake when the sun is out.
This is the first winter in decades that has not been deeply depressing. I am using a “bright” lamp.