Winter Depression

  January 7th, 2018 by ClairDeLune

It’s the same every year.

December is like the calm before the storm, where depression is bearable, but I can feel things are about to go downhill pretty soon. There’s a lot of distraction, from Christmas shopping to family visits. At least in principle I do like this time of year, without depression hanging over my head that is.

January is when it hits me full broadside. I always stay with my family from Christmas Eve until just after New Year, and when I go back to my place the drastic change makes me realize what I suppressed before: That winter-depression is here. Usually my sleeping schedule is messed up so much by now that I sometimes get up just when the sun is setting, missing even the few bits of daylight that are still there. On top of that, my birthday is just a week after New Year, which means having to answer phone calls asking how much I celebrated (not at all) and how many presents I got (none), and I have to fake a laugh just so I can keep up my charade. I’ll turn 25 this year, which sounds terrifying to me because I don’t even know what I did during the first half of my twenties, and they’re already over.

February and March are when exams come up, and I have to get my mood under control if I plan on passing and getting this degree over with. It’s been a close call every time so far, even though I managed somehow, so I’m not too excited about the prospect of failing. I don’t remember winter-depression ever being as bad as this time, almost certainly due to my breakup last year, so that just makes the next weeks and months even more fun than they’ve been before.

So yeah, fuck me and fuck this time of year.

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