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I’m a discoverer

by Urm8451n

and eachway I head to, I know I’ll meet new things…..including feelings experience and challenges.

What differs me, as 21 y. o man from the baby I was when I were 3y.o, is mostly experience.

Tonight I’m inviting you guys to share with me your burden. I will read your comments and stories, and let us, for few minutes, walk together.

Some people here helped me a lot to gain the power I needed to pass the hardest times in my life. I want to regive. Perhaps I know things that will easily help you, and perhaps you have the knowledge I crave for.

I used to be depress, suicidal, insane, maniac, offensive . My life hasn’t changed drastically, but my knowledge did.

perhaps some of you would agree, that finding a solution, doesn’t make the solution easy to accomplish.

I still have a long way to go. Wounds to heal.
Let’s lessen the damage and have a moment together, walking down our life passage, sharing ideas how to cope with your struggles.

Stay strong, be brave, Yours Jac

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dividebyzero 2/10/2018 - 9:37 pm

I am a discoverer too, in some ways. And extremely fearful and avoidant in others.

I’ve backpacked solo through New Zealand, climbed Mt. Fuji and Mt. Whitney, and hiked the four-day Inca Trail. When I was little I used to read a lot or play with calculators for much of the day, trying to find new patterns in the words and numbers. In anything where I can mostly keep to myself and limit my exposure to people and emotions, group dynamics and expectations, criticism and approval and rejection — I can be very adventurous.

My depression and anxiety started in my early teens when parents and teachers started pushing me hard to get out of my “shell,” leading to bullying, ostracizing, rejection etc. I eventually learned to make friends and function in society, but getting through a working day in society is usually so mentally draining for me that I don’t have the energy to do much else. I want to do something that matters with my life — not just eat and sleep and crunch numbers for a company — because otherwise it all just seems kinda pointless. But most things that are meaningful tend to involve a lot of personal interactions with others. When I was in my early 20s and had more confidence I tried that a couple times, and failed pretty miserably.

I’m 31 now. Am I a man? Technically. But often given the amount of fear I have inside I feel more like a baby, or at most a teenager.

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