It is striking me hard. I’m trying to hold on.
Why couldn’t I tell her what I wanted?
Why couldn’t I get mad at him for kissing my ex? Why didn’t I succeed at saying what I need and feel when I went through all those horrors.
This place is bad for me. it brings up the memories. I remember why I quit going with those friends. This f.. more like fuckers.
I’m….Im broken. I’m broken hearted, broken minded. I’m missing all the good things at life.
What will be the point at succeeding if I’ll end up friendless? If I’ll end up alone. If I’ll fail to be what I’m.
I’m not a fucking psychopath, I’m just a survivor of a fucked up situation.
Today I was at a… “friend” house. I thought about breaking his guinea pig’s neck. I liked the idea. It had no where to run from me. I hid those feelings, but I would love to kill this little animal. I would enjoy the power over it.
I’m done with this site, love you all, I must go back to the old fashion of hiding my traumas on the shelf, written in an old notebook.
only this way I’ll be able to live mylife.
1 comment
Quit believing you are a psychopath, you are survivor of a f***** up situation but don’t let it destroy your future and from living in the now.
I understand from men in my culture about the need of wanting to kill and the rush they get. They love hunting in the bush pigs, deers, birds. It’s really done for food, but I know they love the hunting and killing part and then the reward of eating it.
You should go on a hunting trip find some hunters to go hunting somewhere. It could help release your angst.
I can also strongly relate to you about friends and partners. I can be best friends with anyone in 30sec I know exactly what buttons to push and what the they wanna here, what there going through. To the world I am the most sociable, bubbly, caring funny person who loves everyone and has alot of friends. That’s my point I do have alot of friends BUT I have none. I like people but on the other hand I can’t stand them. I find it pointless texting and maintaining any friendship but when I see you we’ll be good.
I know a few people who have been really offended at my lack of communication with them cos they think we like besties.
My problem is I don’t want them to see the real me. I’m terrified one day someone might look into my eyes and see right through me and into me the way I can see into them.
I’m about to take the biggest leap of my life and go be with someone I truly love. I’m going to tell him to his face everything about me. I don’t care anymore the past don’t even matter. I want to stare into his eyes and him into mine but with no secrets and no pain just love. I don’t wanna be alone anymore I do want people I do want someone. I just hope when the truth comes out I am not hated and judged.
Yeah well good luck and thanks for letting me have a rant. Lol