Joy has gone

I used to find enjoyment in many things, food, people, gardening, woodworking and other things, but slowly and steadily it’s all been extracted and replaced with stuff to make others happy at my expense . Why I allowed it to happen is a mystery.
Until a few years ago I was broke most times and I still got by. I still enjoyed simple pleasures like a cigarette in the morning with my coffee, cooking enjoyable food for myself and others, making things with my hands. I loved growing flowers.

I thought I had met the perfect woman in my life, and at first she liked my cooking and flowers and the things I made, but she changed all the diets to food with no flavor , argued about everything I made and criticized my choice of flowers even to the point that I no longer enjoy any of the things I used to. My choices have one by one been extinguished and replaced with someone else’s choices and now I no longer enjoy any of these things.
My choice of music and movies is never good enough and I no longer have friends to hang out with . I spend my days alone in the shop making nothing that will ever be enjoyed, just junk that will never be seen in the house because it never meets her taste in decorating even though the quality is much better .

I just am no longer allowed to enjoy sharing anything that I once enjoyed so I keep it all to myself in silence and don’t enjoy doing it. Life has become a chore of leaving my choices behind only to please others who enjoy nothing that I enjoy .

It leaves me not caring if I live another day and yet I’m told just how much I’m loved. The truth is I am not, but I’m told these things to prevent others from feeling guilty about telling me the truth that nothing I do is even appreciated.
I don’t think I’ll be around much longer. My health if failing and I no longer care if it comes to a grinding halt today .

On the other hand, perhaps I’m just feeling sorry for myself . I just no longer can tell the difference and have stopped caring one way or another.