I can’t say that I have a complete grasp on things. I’d like to think that I’m trying my best, but it would be untrue I think. It’s all just slipping by. This isn’t the first time. This won’t be the last time. I’d like to think I’ve made it this far on dumb luck alone. That and I had somewhat of an understanding of the numbers game. I hate that numbers game. I hate playing it. It feels stale and tiring. I think that my blended brain makes my emotions unstable. I think that my obsession with trying to get my apartment made me lose sight of the numbers game. I liked not being in the numbers game. It made me feel like I wasn’t in a pointless rut. Maybe I’m not cut out for academia. I feel like that would be a let down. Reminds me of that radio head song let down. I’m scared. Any advice. Please.
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2 comments
Doe, I think maybe having the apartment as a main focal point kept you from seeing the other stressors as a main factor.. Now you have the apartment (I assume?) you have the other stessors coming back to your mind tenfold.
Surely, you didn’t get to where you are sheerly by luck. You are meant for academia, you need to remind yourself of your talents and capabilities, Doe. You’ve got this 🙂
Doe, you sound like you’re a very driven and intelligent person (I bet you anything you’re disagreeing with me right now). This mightn’t mean much to you, but a wise friend said this to me once:
“A mind is like a pencil. You sharpen it, it’s effective. You keep sharpening it, it breaks.”
Maybe your problem is less that you’re unable for academia and more that you’ve focused on it to the detriment of other aspects of your life? I’m trying to be more involved in societies and other activities as a way of stopping myself from “over sharpening”. Maybe that would be useful for you too?