May 15th, 2018 by thewolf56

Made it through the end of the semester. Got the grades/GPA I needed. Just got accepted into business school. I am going to push myself and pursue a double-major. Decided to spend the summer back home and help out with the family business. However I get back to a different family than the one I had left. They want us to all quit working so hard, and spend all summer working on a newly-acquired family lakehouse. The lakehouse is close-ish to my college and I am told I can use the place whenever I want.

He has a gun closet in his bathroom. 2 shotguns (1 under the bed, other in the closet), 3 AR-15’s, and a few pistols are kept there. I know because as a child I would often grab these guns and put the barrel in my mouth. That habit started around the 8th grade, but I had done similar things with knife blades since 2nd grade. The option of suicide being so obtainable often gives me comfort. It’s kinda like my “Happy Place.” Many times I will put myself in a position to easily do it (gun in mouth) just to taste the realness of it.

I don’t know if I would ever kill myself. It seems like a fantasy. In some ways, I am mad at my girlfriend for not supporting my suicidal ambitions. Of course, anything other than vehement opposition would be weird, still I can’t help but feel that stakeholders should also care about what would help me find my peace.

That’s all I have on my mind. Y’all have a good one.

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