I don’t know what to do or anything….I’m lonely, alone, worthless, not anything but a waste of space, time, effort…anything. I would give my life story but have so many times, would also be a book…i type too much. I annoy others I just gwt in the way. I have tourettes, as well as many mental issues some self diagnosed, others not,
I have many health problems like celiac disease, back issues, jaw messed up, etc.
I try to make friends, but everyone gets tired of the way I talk or I’m plain boring. I’m married and trying to get divorces…middle of it. He is extremely narsisistic which isn’t a bad thing as is, but he lacks…wanting to give me emotional support, so many bad things have happened.
I can hardly interact with others, i cry too much and is causes tics and people to think im bad or “crazy” i just want to be treated kindly…im sorry scolding makes me cry. I try to do good but make things worse….i dont want kids so he says he wants a mistress to make one or leave me…yet says im the one leaving though i have nowhere to go, nobody, nothing…says Im leaving cause the lack of pregnancy..,though i said from the start i never wanted one….always says how useless i am..
I am not able to get a job at all…never. i have never had a “normal” job…just my art.,,but i feel there is no point to that either.
Everyone hates me.and says what a bad person i am when I just try to be good,..i never want others to experiencemyp a in so why am I always,…
Im not worth living, I a anna disapear and try but im scared causw i want to live i just wanna be happy and feel like i deserve it and be with someone i love but o am not evsn worth friendship.
3 comments
That is a lovely drawing. Your art is definitely not pointless. You are clearly good at it, and if it makes you feel good or helps you process stuff, then continue with it. I think if you wanted to, you could get a job as an artist. Also, I think that when you’re done with the divorce, you’ll be able to start a new life. You say you want to disappear, so maybe see the divorce as sort of an opportunity to begin over and to “disappear”. You are not worthless, and I’m sure that it’s possible that you can build a life for yourself that’d you like.
Your art is very good and people do make a living from graphic design and other artwork like animation. It’s something you should really look into.
I think your decision to not have kids is a very smart one-imagine if you had to support them and your spouse was divorcing you. If you have mental/physical disabilities that prevent you from working then you probably qualify for gov’t assistance.
As for you crying and tics, these are things that are within your control. We all want people to accept us for who we are, but I suggest playing the ‘mirror game’ and see yourself as others see you. Or imagine if you had a friend with the behaviors that you mentioned.
Like it or not, everyone judges each other for how well composed they are, how they handle stress, anger and so forth. People don’t like to be around those who are clingy, needy or very temperamental. Most want independent people who can take a joke around them.
When I was younger I was more introverted but people make assumptions about you if you don’t have a backbone and get away with insulting you. So I became more extroverted and was usually quick to call people out and that’s how I earned more respect and friends.
I think if you work on becoming a better version of yourself you will make friends and be able to find a man who will make you happy. It won’t happen overnight, these things take time but it will happen. Best of luck to you.
By the way, I wanted to add I really appreciate artists-I’m not that great at drawing which is why I respect artists who are really good at it. They fire the imagination, I esp like futuristic artwork given my science background.
So if this is something you’re talented it (and it certainly seems you are) definitely start a career, you can even work from home doing contracts/assignments for others. I’ve used the services of a graphic artist in the past and I have major plans again for the future, so trust me there is a need for good artists out there.