Why not Vanish?

             Can I vanish?

Hello everyone, I believe you all know why I am here posting this. I feel empty, loneliness, hopeless. The will to live longer inside me has vanished, I do not wish to live any longer. I have friends, but none has really understood me. I have a wealthy family, but wealthy does not mean joy. I used to be a genius at school, but due to the current situation, I do not have the will to learn any longer. I cannot feel the joy inside me much longer. I just feel like it is worthless to live any longer. But I do not wish to suicide.

I wish to vanish, leaving all behind me, forgetting about all, just ending the path of my soul, everyday I feel trapped, having a rock stuck onto my heart, something is blocking my true self. Therapists I have tried, none seemed to work but instead blocking my heart more and more, I may also have video game addiction because it is indeed the only place where I could experience joy one last time. Yet my parents, my family everyone in my life seems to dis-approve my ways….I am 14 years old, I am more mature than you may seem me as. I feel older than 14, and I also have the appearance of a much more mature person.

I really don’t know….I play hockey on a whole different league than regular players, I am a star within my circle, but no matter how hard I try, or how much rest I seek. I don’t seem to get the results I always wished for. School, I really wish I don’t need to attend it anymore, attending it more makes me more desperate to taste the feeling of being banished from this world, I….Don’t know what else to say anymore, I feel not like myself. I sometimes even feel dizzy, losing my body but snapped right back after a few seconds, I….Want to vanish…..

I want to vanish….

contact: muncievenom@gmail.com