Angry

  July 23rd, 2018 by Sextoyfortheuniverse

This was actually my reply to a comment and I think instead of replying to the person I somehow effectively ranted about my situation and I am too tired to type or think again so I will just paste it here.
I was diagnosed with ADHD and schizophrenia a year back. I was a great student but the indian education system has zero respect for anyone who actually cares about learning so i had to repeat a year and for the past six months i have been getting bullied in college for volunteering to repeat even though I did get the pass marks. My dad is a druggie who pops Valium like it’s candy and does IVs and painkillers. My mom and I were almost homeless because he took out a 35 lakh loan against our house to fund his drug habit. My sister is the only human i have ever loved and she got kicked out of the house so we live apart. My hallucinations just keep increasing. i can’t do anything at all. My doctor is cool but my therapist treats me like shit or maybe all of them are just as tired of me as i am of myself. I hate humans I have no friends. No matter how hard I try nobody seems to be interested in listening to my sob stories that never seem to end (i would have done the same) i don’t feel anything for anyone anymore. I don’t know why i am writing all this here like no clue I discovered this site 10 mins back while I was trying to google how to tie the perfect noose. I am sick of clickbait articles that just take me to pages with endless suicide helplines like THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS UFF. My dad sexually abused me twice and when my sister and i went to the cops we were turned down TWICE because the superintendent officer is a friend of my dad how lovely. I really want to either kill my dad (gone girl style ) or kill myself. I really love animals and economics but I can’t do anything remotely related to any of them because of the screwed up system and my personal life. If i could exchange my brain with any subordinate homosapien i would do it in a heartbeat. I feel so angry at how unfair life seems to be. I can’t even talk about all this with my sister because instantly the topic becomes “HOW COULD I DO THAT TO HER” i feel that is the most selfish argument you could give to a person who wants to die. I have tried twice will try again in a month maybe idk man whatever

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