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Dear Best Friend

by -mR-

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I haven’t been able to make things okay for you.

I’m sorry that I haven’t helped you ad much as you need.

I’m really trying to help.

And I’m sorry you don’t know what’s going on with me.

But I don’t want you to deal with my problems as well.

I’m sorry I can’t tell you how much I want to cut again.

How much I want to make myself throw up.

How I choked myself this morning until I couldn’t breathe.

How I look out the window and the voice in my head screams “Jump!”

How my mind seems to get more toxic by the day.

But I can’t tell you this.

Because you show me how you wrote down the number for the suicide hotline.

Because you tell me how you fell back into self harm.

And whatever you’re going through will always be more important to me than my own problems.

I’m not going to let you carry mine too.

So if I end up doing something stupid…

Please don’t follow my example.

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tmi 7/20/2018 - 11:12 am

I am not a regular on this site nor do i plan to come back but i will check messages if you reply.

I saw this by accident and i want you to know i have felt similarly before

Think about this: you are pondering the worst case scenario

But if you love your best friend, you dont wanna do this: https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/50v6c3/my_best_friend_killed_himself_because_of_me

Even if they are upset at you, you arent doing as much damage to them as you are to yourself

Whether you realize it or not, think about how they’ve not left you right?

There is a reason for this

Love takes time to heal

But it does heal

Dont give up now

They love you. You might find that hard to believe but they do. Trust me

That post on reddit got me to put down my father’s swiss army knife last december.

What got me thinking about it was when i attempted to od on prozac 2 years ago.

A mutual friends family went through suicide over 15y ago. Still not the same

That mutual friend left me

My best friend didnt

When i feared the worst, i thought back to this. I am glad i did

When it became the end of the world, it not only got better but became the best in the world once again

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