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I want to die…

by WanderingDreamer91
… I want to die…
 
I hate society and wish it would go away…
 
I don’t understand people and why they always neglect and abuse me and why I have to feel pressured by so many things and then never get any real support or guidance to achieve said things that I don’t even know I want anymore like getting a car or a girlfriend and stuff.
 
I just don’t care anymore…
 
I hate people and I want to die…
 
Everything is boring and I feel so empty, life just seems fake, I don’t even know what I want anymore…
 
I’d probably kill myself right now if I had a good method…
 
Jump from a high place? Cutting? Electrocution via fork in a socket? Or… some kind of hanging or suffocation via bed sheets knotted around a fan hanging from the ceiling? Hopefully the fan won’t break and I’d succeed… this seems easiest, I’d like to go with hanging…
 
… I can’t believe I’m talking about this…
 
… I bet no one even cares or even really understands me…
 
… I hate everyone…
 
… Why not, I wish I could just live on a quiet island and just hear the waves roll by and take in the sunset all day… and hopefully not get sunburned, lol. :p
 
But man would it be nice to just enjoy nature without any people, or dangerous animals, just… fresh air, sunlight, water, and fresh growing fruits and vegetables or something…
 
… I want to be alone and yet I don’t want to be alone…
 
… I just… I don’t know…
 
… I want to die…
 
Edited
 
Sometimes even if he can be annoying such as meowing me awake in the middle of sleeping, all I want to do is play with my 1 (human) year old cat Oliver.
 
I can’t believe some people can be so hurtful that they don’t even seem like humans. Their more like monsters, aliens even that I don’t understand.
 
My cat is more human then them and that makes me sad.
8 comments
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8 comments

EmptyPluto 7/23/2018 - 12:10 am

A heart in the right place. The raindrops beat down on his fur, yet he doesn’t mind.

shatterediris 7/23/2018 - 2:31 am

Life is pointless and meaningless…. At least that’s how it comes out of the package…. Most people miss the “Meaning not included” so you have to shove meaning in here on your own sadly :/

Cats are great though, he’d miss you. He does need you.

day2day 7/23/2018 - 3:42 am

I almost gave up on life roughly 10 yrs ago but I’m glad I didn’t. Had I ended my life some close family members would’ve been in serious trouble today. I’m still not happy with my life but I stick around for my family and one day going to a nice desert island (like in your fantasy also). A few other great things about life are keeping me around.

So you need to decide what you want to live for. If you plan to stick around then you have to have a lot of strength and determination to overcome obstacles in life. It took me a year of hard searching to get a decent job and then that job allowed me to get our car going and I made new friends and my life improved a great deal.

Also that income allowed me to take a break from my job to work on a different project so I could make even more money than before. If you have family members and worry about how they might end up if you’re not around to help them, then I’d suggest trying to make your life better. If you don’t care and really want to end your life then that option is there also, only you can decide.

day2day 7/23/2018 - 3:48 am

I should add I’m not out of the woods yet by a longshot, I have many other issues to deal with in my life and some days I still want to give up. But I don’t for the reasons already mentioned. I’m hoping either this year or the next things will be a lot better for me but it’s too early to tell.

No one will drop a million bucks or a hot girl in your lap. If you want something you will have to work for it. Your starting point is an education and a decent job, you can grow from there. Also, you can’t really have a gf if you don’t have money. Dating costs…and it’s not cheap. Good luck whatever you decide.

WanderingDreamer91 7/23/2018 - 11:39 am

Thanks guys, I guess… even if I might not understand everything you’re saying or fully agree with it, it’s nice to get noticed…

Honestly, I do sort of have plans, but I haven’t really fully worked out how to make them happen or what exactly I want… So much diversity, and no one in my family seems to really want to help, even they are also pretty neglectful or abusive…

To be honest, even at 27 I’m still living with my parents and don’t really know how to grow up…

I barely got a job because of some special program… when I tried to get a job, suffering from social anxiety and only having a high school education really held me back and no one wanted to hire me. It took a lot of courage and about 5 years of doing nothing for my frustrations to be stronger than my fear, and I never even got anything out of it, my own dad/mom had to help me get one…

Then I really hate it… hard to explain, but I think of heard of people saying a lot of bad stuff about Walmart, just that kind of retail alone… I’m similar, but it’s actually Goodwill, believe it or not…

I’m not sure if anyone even wants to help me get into college and I don’t think I’ll ever um… get promoted either of if I even want to.

My dad says if I ever quit and need another job, I’ll probably have to check on this DARS program that gave me a job, but it will cost me, and he’s apparently being a stingy jerk about it…

Sigh… last week I had to take a week off because some people in my family were visiting and we did all sorts of stuff almost every day. Then on Friday my dad fought with my stepmom for hours mid-day (my parents divorced when I was in middle school, barely a pre-teen/teen), then on Saturday they were gone for almost the whole day and didn’t come back until late…

I really, really need to get away from people here…

So finally about some of my plans though, I um…

My two/three ideas is to get a girlfriend, go to college, and maybe even get a driver’s license (yes I still don’t have one, not sure when I should have gotten one and even wanted it for myself and why no bothered to help me… I got an ID that needs to be renewed in about a year though).

Not sure what kind of girlfriend or how to get one, but… yeah, maybe a dating site… maybe an open-minded person with somewhat low standards, an authentic and kind person, somewhat smart… a goth maybe? Tomboy… something… idk. :p

I don’t want to have to do everything alone…

If I ever get a car, I want a small one with easy parking space so I can get in and out of places easily.

For a job, I might not want either a hobby-based one like making games, writing books, etc., or an ambitious one that could change the world but carry a lot of responsibility like a scientist, I might just want to be a therapist to help people similar to all of us here… not sure yet…

Finally, for where to live… I feel like a more humble and less material place like a small town could work… Sometimes I feel like capitalism breeds narcissism…

Anyways, about the desert island… Well, maybe it’s the Cancer in me, but other than being a water elemental, I think a part of me wants to live on one because of this anime-manga called Erased. :p

“I want to live on an island with no pain or sadness.”

AgentQ 7/23/2018 - 12:22 pm

Rotondo?

buzzedloser 7/27/2018 - 12:05 am

You’re so amazing Wandering <3 I like that you talk alot

WanderingDreamer91 7/30/2018 - 12:34 pm

Aww, thank you! <3 (hugs)

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