Sometimes the only way I can convince myself to accomplish anything, is to promise myself that if I work really hard and get a lot accomplished, then I can reward myself by killing myself, after there is something to show for my life.
Somehow, it makes all of the suffering mean something. It coverts the suffering to honor, in a way. I’m not sure if that makes sense.
I rely on this crutch again. Hopefully I can get somewhere truly good.
4 comments
i get it
I think it’s good, it makes you want to be productive. I can totally understand. When I’m depressed, I feel as if I’m wasting time when I could do things I want to accomplish (nevermind the fact they’re part of my depression in the first place, due to overwhelming me, maybe setting too high goals is not such a good thing), even if life is being a *****, I always think to myself there’s still things I can do, so I should do them instead of being depressed and wasting time.
I mean, it’s not like anything we do will count when we’re dead, so it probably doesn’t make much rational sense for truly suicidal people, but I guess second thoughts come a long way. Most people don’t really want to suicide, they just want a better life.
However I think being productive is a really good way to kill time and stop depressing over everything, but that’s just my opinion. I hope you keep it up.
I wouldn’t say I’m really suicidal, more like I’m so frustrated and can’t stand my life. So yeah, it all makes sense I guess.
Yes, I was speaking in general when I mentioned a truly suicidal person (that they might not understand the point of getting things done before you die).
I am actually the exact same way, frustrated and annoyed at my life. We don’t really wish for death, just a life that doesn’t suck as much.