In high school, I’d cut everyday. It started when I was 14. I had no where to go, no one to talk to. I’d do it in the school bathrooms before school, just go all out. I’d wait for the bleeding to stop, put some folded up toilet paper over my entire forearm, use hair ties to keep it from moving, pull down my sleeve and go through my day. It’s all I could think about, and when I got home, I’d do it again. This went on for several years. Then, I met someone. Someone who got me to start eating again and stop cutting…for a while..I went without for almost 2 years, but then, the urge became too overwhelming. I’ve relapsed, and honestly, it makes me feel better. Even though it’s for a few moments at a time, at least I fucking feel something.
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3 comments
I know how it feels to be numb. Numb to your emotions, others, the world. I don’t think hurting yourself is the answer and I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I hope one day you’ll wake up and realize you haven’t done it in so long and you won’t need to/want to.
I don’t know what else to say, but if you need to talk let me know.
I doubt anything I say here will make any difference because this is how you’ve learned to try to cope with the stress in your life. I’m sure you know harming yourself doesn’t solve anything, it only damages your body and you could end up worse off than you are now.
At the very least you should try to find another way to vent your frustrations and one of the best is exercise, you’ll feel amazing after a good workout. Another option is to seek professional help.
You need to get a grip on all your problems and find solutions, rather than let them overwhelm you. I’m going throw my own ‘trials and tribulations’ right now but I’m just working through my problems and I believe in the end I will succeed and be in a better place in my life, fingers crossed. I wish you well and I hope you are able to practice greater self-control and not give in to self-destructive impulses/emotions.
I see me in you. My advice is try to stop not for yourself but for that other person. Wouldn’t they be disappointed if they knew? Upset? At least that’s what works for me. The shame outweighs the urges.