Most of the males i know treated me like sh*t except for 2. They just dont treat me like im human. One of them is so protective i cant take risks. I want to try to sell some of my art “but what if no one buys it?” But what if someone does? And the other hes so scared of hurting me more that hes fine with everything. I cut. “Its alright” no no no its not alright. Im hurting. I seem to only attract a**holes and those that care too much.
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It’s not that you only attract a certain type, it’s that you only go for a certain type. I say this from much experience and introspection.
Once in a while someone will come on here with a lifelong story of abuse from multiple people and conclude (logically yet in a flawed manner) that all men, or women or whatever, are that way.
I want to offer the opposite perspective. All my life, all my relationships, male & female, romantic & platonic, have been with caring, stable, good people. I’m the f-up in the equation. My point is, something in me gravitates toward people who can help me, and I tend to discard those who are harmful. I guess it’s the one good character trait I’ve got going.
Others gravitate toward trouble. Maybe it’s because the subconscious desire for self destruction is stronger than self preservation. Who knows. Ask a shrink. But one thing is for sure, unless you’re living in some 3rd world country that does arranged marriages, we all have the freedom to choose whom we’re with. Even if that choice is to be alone.
Trouble gravitates towards trouble. It’s you + others, and for the others, it’s them + you. We’re all a mess of stupid problems and repetitions. This whole personal responsibility thing negates the fact that we’re all universally responding to something – I.E. what we see as “normal,” – as unattractive. And we opt instead for the same fragmented image of our past traumas, because at least those (appear to) have depth. The normal folks out there have an identical process pushing them forward. I’d call it universally human, but people might accuse me of trying to humanize deviancy, and we can’t have that.
What rivets said is pretty spot on. I think people call it the Law of attraction… certain energies recognise each other and are drawn together. Assholes are attracted to me too, a lot of broken people in many ways. We look for meaning and end up in a tornado/pattern of someone elses creation.
I think as sexist as this sounds, there’s also a lot of men who are absolute garbage and they will look for your vulnerability and exploit it in a predatory way, no matter your energy they are fishing for weak spots. Beware such people(there’s women like this too), they will not stop for anyone/ if you cut and are broken they will surround you like commodo dragons. I compare them to animals/fish but they are less than that.
Basically if people are protective they might see you are vulnerable and act in accordance to their experience of life(beware of controlling nature though). And the other type… being okay with everything, it’s better than being amongst assholes but I’m guessing they struggle with their own issues too… they might just want you to feel supported but if it’s because they aren’t trying to guide you to be the best version of yourself, as harsh as it sounds… they might not be the person to help bring about change… for you or themselves.
Maybe there is some part of you that is atracted to as*holes. It would make sence from evolutionary perspective.
i dont have a problem with all the less then nice guys its the nice ones im having a problem with. i understand they worry about me but would it really kill them to just let me be me. ok other days i understand the worry but leave me alone on my good days