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  August 21st, 2018 by robieli

I want everyone to know that you are all great people. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It was me who needed you, and I couldn’t stand it. You can’t want someone you can’t keep. Having a human being in your life to listen to you and to understand you is priceless. You can’t replace that with a phone, a car, or a house. I don’t know what I doing, I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know what I’m thinking. No one needs me, but I need them. It is hopeless, I can’t live like this anymore. I hate living. Everything that truly matters goes away, and you’re not present in your mind to either enjoy it, or stay away from the pain and desperation it causes. I have being alive, I have nothing that truly matters, and I was not born with the proper mindset to get what truly matters. I was born to be a loser, I was born to suffer, I was born alone to be alone, and it’s not worth it anymore, I’m tired of trying. It’s a circle of pain, and I want to be numb. Whoever can find happiness with whom ever, you should be happy and proud of yourselves, and I hope nothing stands in the way of that, because it is so necessary, yet so rare. I’ll never have it, some others will never have it, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have it. I know you will be happier without me trying to suck the kindness and compassion out of you. You should share it with those who can give it back. I wish I knew how to love like the others around me. I wish I could be what you were to me. Knowing that I can’t, it breaks my heart, and I feel guilty, and ashamed. I am nothing, I’m nowhere, I’m nobody. I never was anybody, because I could never be somebody to someone. I’m tired of being something I’m not. I’m tired of being something nobody wants. I am a waste. I should have never been born. I was never meant to exist. I am a bother. I just wanted to feel someone else’s pain instead of my own. I never had that tool. I couldn’t feel anything naturally, because I wasn’t born to do so.

 

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