Honestly Honesty

  September 9th, 2018 by LiquidHuman

I’m not going to lie to you.
Sometimes i wish I could just fade out right here and now.
Im not going to pretend that I think life is one big open door.
And no no I don’t need you to tell me there is so much worth living for.
Because I won’t believe that yet.
I mean with the hatred and rigidity and sorrow and cruelty,
And how everyone thinks they’re right.
And well, I’ve heard it so much,
The arguments and rants of our parliaments
That I no longer believe any of us got it right.
And it’s slightly annoying that we’re so petty.
But not nearly as annoying as sad.
And you can call me passive, but honestly I’ve never been one to fight for a cause.
And I’m not saying the people who do are bad,
Or that they should sit back and let it burn.
I’m just upset that everyone’s voices are so much louder than my own.
And I hear them everyday.
Telling me how I should feel.
And now, I just don’t know anymore.
So I figure, I don’t have much to offer this world.
We’re both better off without each other.
I’m not enough for this world.
And nothing I could possibly say even matters.
And even if I said it,
I have to wonder if it would even be heard.
Maybe it’s better I just keep my mouth shut.
This world isn’t made for people like me.
I’m not nearly enough.
How do I feel?
How do I think?
What are my ideals?
I don’t know.
And frankly I’m afraid to find out.
Because, truth be told,
I’ve been lying to myself this whole time.
There is honesty in a death.
No one can deny it.
They can’t say, no she’s still here.
There is honesty in death.
And I’m tempted to try it.
Because the words on a headstone can’t be argued,
And no one can debate my cause.
Or even if I was in the wrong.
There’s a respect that death grants me.
A certain freedom and sense of control.
And maybe I’ll go to Heaven.
And maybe I won’t.
But hey, at least I’ll be alone.
And maybe I’ll find out who I was all this time.
Without all their voices trapped in my mind.
And I hope that you don’t think any less
Of the girl who left you to clean her mess.
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