I think I might be hopeless, and I say this with a lack of energy. I went to a meet-up I found online last night because of some vain hope that I was salvageable. It actually went well, it was cool to have a social outing for once. But afterwards I just came back even more depressed than before. I missed my ex, I felt frustrated over all the friends I had pushed away over years that led to my isolation… if only these other people knew what goes through my head, knew what I monster I was, knew that I’ve only hurt the people who ever cared about me… I shouldn’t subject others to myself. I came back and this morning feel the want to not exist all over again. There may just be no reprieve.
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You know, I really don’t think there is [Any reprieve].
And that’s the thing about point of view.
I understand. I went tp a Meet Up today too just to have some human interaction and to take a break from my crushing isolation, loneliness and despair, but left feeling even worse because of how socially awkward I am (It didn’t help that I dropped my phone and shattered the screen while there) People just don’t want to talk to me, even when I tried to start a conversation. I was mostly ignored.
It’s obvious that there is no reprieve for people like us. Hopefully you can keep going, but I’m done.
I wish I knew where I could find a meet up, I’m desperate for human interaction. My husband mostly plays games online with his friends so I don’t get enough from him to keep me sane.
Anyway, don’t avoid people because you *think* you’re doing them a favor by not subjecting them to yourself. Let them be the judge of that. It’s human nature that people hurt and get hurt. And you never know which people might change your life, so best let it happen.