They don’t understand that everytime I get into a car I wish someone would hit me so it could be an accident. I walk alone to my car in hopes that someone will rob me at gunpoint and actually shoot me. I wish for every scenario that ends in my death. I know I can’t kill myself, I would hurt too many with that. But if it wasn’t my fault, it would hurt them less because an accident is easier for them to understand that it being purposeful.
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I totally get it.
Just think for a moment how it’d feel for someone else to unintentionally kill you. Even if they are a robber, they’d still feel really guilty about it.
I would rather end my own life than make someone else responsible for it, intentionally or not. If I killed someone in a car accident hypothetically, I’d feel horrible the rest of my life and the event would not stop playing in my mind. So think about the ramifications of your actions.
I understand where you’re coming from and my family is probably the biggest reason that I am still around because we support each other, despite our problems, disagreements.
However if my life becomes unlivable and if it is impossible to make it better, then I would definitely consider ending it. We all live and die, everyone, you know will be gone one day but we go at different times.
There are family members who are not in a good place right now so I couldn’t really consider suicide. But once things are more stable for them and when I know I’ll never have to worry about them and they’ll be totally fine without me, then there will be nothing in my way from suiciding.
So that’s the main reason I’m still around. Also because my life isn’t too bad and there are things I really want to do. I’m going to see if I can improve my life over the next 5-10 years. If I’m in more or less the same state as I’m in now, with little chance for turning it around, then I will definitely call it quits.
Life used to be pretty good for me when I was younger (despite experiencing personal problems). I had a lot to look forward to and I was very driven. But my dreams pretty much fell apart and life became pretty crappy after.
It’s tough to watch others live well while I’ve stagnated. But eventually, it didn’t bother me anymore-I just didn’t care. I nearly gave up a few times but decided to give it a final try, hopefully, things will start improving in the next few months, we’ll see.
But back to your point, if your family will be able to go on without you, then you really shouldn’t worry too much, unless you enjoy their company. In which case you should consider fixing the problems in your life so you can keep living.