Something’s missing but what.

I have everything in my life yet there is a great sadness in my heart. I just feel so hopeless and sad. And the worst thing is I have no idea why I feel so worthless and so tired of living. Everyday, I wish to die but I am afraid to try to do it on my own because I am scared about what will happen if i fail in my attempt. Everyday I wake up, I feel sad that I am still alive.  I am an atheist. So, I don’t think some magic will happen and I shall be me again. I am lost. I just know that death is my friend. Why do I feel this way? I am losing myself everyday. I tried going to the doctor but it becomes same again once I stop taking the medicines. I wish I could die. Why live? I just can’t. It is difficult for me but I cannot tell anyone else about how I feel. This sadness and despair in my heart is taking me to the hell gates of depression again. I wish there was an escape.