On top of my ongoing depression, the last thing I needed was this happening to me.
Let me describe what this unpleasant memory is all about:
I was 6 years old and me and my family were visiting my grandmother’s house. There was a girl in the neighborhood who was the same age as me. I was playing with her and I behaved nicely and politely with her. For some reason after we played for a while she started avoiding me and even said to me: I don’t love you, I love your brother. And she went and sat down next to my brother who is 8 years older than me. My parents were laughing because of this situation, but not in a cruel way. They just found the situation funny, while I started crying (not in front of everyone)
That was my very first rejection. Little did I know back then that in the next 25 years of my life I would be constantly rejected by women over and over again, while my brother who can be quite mean at times, gets all the attention from women. He had 20 maybe even 30 GF’s in his lifetime, while I at the age of 31 I’m still at zero.
I’m really having a bad day. If I had a bottle of N, (the real deal not the fake ones) I would’ve probably drank it at this new year’s eve. I’m just tired of this life.
I feel so stuck in a loveless world. I just want out. Oh and one more thing. Love is not the only issue in my life that drives me to commit suicide, I also have other health issues that are like a cherry on top of a sundae. Sometimes these health issues get so bad that I forget all about my non-existent love life.
10 comments
I’ve received a copy of the peaceful pills handbook and I’ve been thinking of taking a trip to Mexico City to pick up some real N. Word of wisdom “b*tches come, b*tches go”
But I’m on police watch, been in police custody at least 75% of the last 6 years so however I can slip away after they stop following me.. whatever’s clever because just as well I commit at home maybe a bit easier. I just want it to work out perfect. Why I don’t bother trying just to fail.
Don’t you have friends or a group of people you can hang out with? Trust me, having a girlfriend is overrated. What matters most in life are the people that surrounds you and the community you have. Absent those life will feel meaningless.
Black holez is right that a significant other is overrated.
Personally I believe it’s most important how you relate to yourself and that you like yourself.
All we ever really have is ourselves.
If you really want a girl though just take some tips from your brother either by asking or just doing like he does. It’s not that he is mean either it’s that he exudes confidence and doesn’t take shit! Trust me….I know.
Good on you buddy!
My brother tried to help me find a GF many times, but all the girls that he arranged me to meet ended up disliking me 🙁
No no….sry.
Don’t ask him to hook you up with women. Ask him for tips on confidence with them etc.
You need to find your type of women and then be confident, funny and charming etc.
@Black Holez I don’t have any friends, and this reduces my chances of me finding a GF quite a lot. I think that even if I did had a lot of friends, I would still be single because girls dislike me very much. When girls are in my proximity, they behave like I have some sort of contagious disease.
I do want to agree with Black Holez, a girlfriend is overrated and when you have you one you may even yearn for single life again (I know I have). But, I also remember what it’s like to never have had a relationship and how much importance I placed on women and sex. The truth is, you need to be proactive in your attempts to get a girlfriend or laid. Make dating profile and message women. Go to meetups and force yourself to interact. The unfortunate truth is it’s still a man’s job to court a woman and this is difficult if you have prone high anxiety and fear rejection, but it’s the only way. I’ve seen your photo. You’re not ugly so that’s a plus.
Ugly doesn’t matter if you know what to do.
That’s the great part about it.
Use a little psychology when interacting with people in general and interaction gets easier.
Do you see 20-30 relationships as a success? I suppose as someone who hasn’t had any, that might seem appealing. But that means dozens of times it didn’t work out for him, unless you’ll say every single time he ended it or just used girls for company and never really got attached to them.
I fall in the middle of that range, probably had 9 or 10 relationships over the years, sandwiched in between a younger when I had zero chance with girls and now 2012 onward where I have again lost any chance in my life of being with anyone. So I had a handful of years where I lived a different life and got to see what it was like to actually have relationships.
The pain of a lot of the breakups outweighs any enjoyment I got from the relationships. Maybe for normal people you can come and go from serious relationships in your life and not care about it, but as with most things in life I seemed more sensitive and emotional about it and my life is probably the wreck it is now mostly because of the multiple times that a partner bailed on me and left me feeling miserable for 6 months or a year.
I think if you absolutely set a goal of just wanting to experience a relationship, without thinking that it has to be with someone amazing or finding your soul mate in one shot, you could at least do that. Of course I don’t know you, I have no idea what you are like or what is causing this difficulty for you. But I just hope someone in your situation is realistic about your standards, not that you have to date garbage but if you were to sign up on a dating website and look for the girls who might not be getting a ton of attention either, I believe you could get somewhere. If you want an 8 out of 10 beautiful girl who probably has more social success than you then yes it might be a struggle to find one willing to accept.
If you aren’t trying as hard as you can, especially with the convenient technology available today like sites and apps, then you can’t just say that this is being done to you against your will. I know rejection sucks, I know putting yourself out there sucks, but you’re already in pain. If suffering cannot be avoided then at least suffer for a good cause. Suffer for a reason that at least has a chance of a benefit. Suffer because you are sending girls messages and making an attempt to find someone versus suffering because you are alone at home at 31 and not even trying. Suffer for reasons that give you a 50% chance of success instead of 0%. The doorbell will never ring with the perfect person standing there. The process of trying to find the right people in this world is very painful, but you either endure the suffering involved in the search or you potentially leave this world without even knowing what a relationship felt like.
On the other hand, I am finding a lot of the attitudes and ideas pretty accurate in the groups of men these days who have pretty much given up on relationships with women. My experiences match up perfectly to the concept that women simply do not love in the same way. Women want to date up, men are willing to date down. Men are loyal and will want to help their female partner succeed, women want that man who has resources and advantages to give her and she will jump ship the second she sees a better opportunity. It makes sense in an evolutionary way that women are wired to look for things like that, but it’s a shame that it can go so far to really make them seem cruel and selfish in romance. So maybe you a hurting that you haven’t had these experiences in life, but little do you know maybe you would just would have had a string of opportunistic girls come into your life and take what they could from you before bailing, which wouldn’t feel much better than you do right now.
I’d recommend searching for this recent video “what women like in men – joe rogan” and listen to that segment from a podcast.
I am exactly the same age as you. I am going through a long stretch of total isolation, last time I saw a friend was 2016 and – surprise – that was just another female friend who reappeared in my life to use me for company a few times while she was going through a breakup and then bailed again. Other than that, for about 2 years before seeing her I had no friends and now in the time since then I haven’t seen anyone again. I developed some health problems this year too, had surgery around Halloween and the problem still isn’t fixed, and it’s looking like I may need a stack of medical supplies by my side for the rest of my days on this earth. That doesn’t make me feel too confident about ever meeting someone again either and having to tell them I have a health problem in my 30s and will have difficult traveling or maintaining a job or doing other normal things.
Perhaps we could talk more some time if you are interested.
Left you a long comment here but as happens sometimes it got flagged for moderation. Hopefully it will get approved in a bit but if not let me know if you have a throw-away email account or something where I could send it.