On top of my ongoing depression, the last thing I needed was this happening to me.
Let me describe what this unpleasant memory is all about:
I was 6 years old and me and my family were visiting my grandmother’s house. There was a girl in the neighborhood who was the same age as me. I was playing with her and I behaved nicely and politely with her. For some reason after we played for a while she started avoiding me and even said to me: I don’t love you, I love your brother. And she went and sat down next to my brother who is 8 years older than me. My parents were laughing because of this situation, but not in a cruel way. They just found the situation funny, while I started crying (not in front of everyone)
That was my very first rejection. Little did I know back then that in the next 25 years of my life I would be constantly rejected by women over and over again, while my brother who can be quite mean at times, gets all the attention from women. He had 20 maybe even 30 GF’s in his lifetime, while I at the age of 31 I’m still at zero.
I’m really having a bad day. If I had a bottle of N, (the real deal not the fake ones) I would’ve probably drank it at this new year’s eve. I’m just tired of this life.
I feel so stuck in a loveless world. I just want out. Oh and one more thing. Love is not the only issue in my life that drives me to commit suicide, I also have other health issues that are like a cherry on top of a sundae. Sometimes these health issues get so bad that I forget all about my non-existent love life.