Pure Hell. I wake up into my nightmare each day. I can’t wait til my day comes. So much to do first. In the meantime People annoy and are highly pushy. One guy texts me 1000 times per day. Plus calls. I would text him I’m busy call you soon but he wouldn’t stop so in the beginning I would answer so he would hear someone speaking to me and realize I’m in a fucking meeting leave me the fuck alone. But no. He never stops. Everyone seems to not understand the words I can’t talk right now or I have to call you later. What is wrong with people. Same with this shit existence. People try to keep me here. When I have finished all I can from what I feel I need to do to go, these people need to leave me alone. I will disappear. And finally, GO.
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The line has to be somewhere. People that are over needy of my attention are either starved out with minimal attention or ejected out of my life. I haven’t had to eject someone entirely in a few years, but everyone present in my life has seen it happen.
My trick is that I set the expectation that I need time to myself. When I met my fiance that was set up really early. She had set aside time to spend with me, time that was specifically for her to be with me. Time outside of that was my time. As the relationship progressed I gave her more time, but never all of it. Earlier tonight (this morning?) I had to draw the line that I’d be ticking away through the night for work. She understood that I might not cook dinner for her tonight, these things happen.
Sometimes I think depression is a starvation of kindness, we cease being kind to ourselves and getting kindness from others.
*shrug* I’ve been up a large amount of hours, which makes me philosophical.
Ejection of these people is a must.
My husband ejected the guy because the guy would not stop no matter what I said.
Yea that’s a good point about depression
Ugh hate this existence hoping the afterlife is better
1000 times a day that’s f*cking sh*tty man it really distracts from trying to commit. I really can’t even feel ok enough just to commit.
Yea it’s very distracting too much so. What do you mean feel ok enough to commit
I’m too terrified most of the time to even be able to go off on my own for just a little while to commit I don’t even feel safe in my body anymore (I’ve been r*ped at least 150 times in the last three years) and just like you say there’s all these folk that won’t stop speaking in the background whether I’m awake or asleep I hear a bunch of evil woman voices and then when I am awake I see a lot of evil faces. About like you said, 1,000 times a day I can hear these evil neurotic voices in the background sometimes they are just repeating what I think in stupid demonic sounding way to make me look and feel stupid but I just end up terrified.
That’s been happening every day for about ~600 days. I haven’t felt ok since that started. I used to have life goals now all I can do is wait for the day that I commit suicide.
That sounds awful. Why is this happening to you???