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Shame

by Hiccup

I’d like to think I have a lot of decent qualities, but one thing I’d like to change about myself more than anything is my painful inability to communicate well. I’m terrible at articulating myself and having conversations, and it’s extremely frustrating. I can’t help wondering what went wrong during the time I was developing into an adult, but it’s my biggest insecurity and I feel so bad about it. I don’t think I’m fun to be around because I’m so socially awkward and I think it’s at least part of the reason the person I’m interested in doesn’t feel the same.

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Cause of Death: Suicide 3/14/2019 - 8:07 pm

Yeah I don’t have any good qualities either. Only reason I’d talk to someone else is if it had something to do trying to ask someone to help me commit suicide

Hiccup 3/14/2019 - 8:32 pm

Well, at least I’m not alone I guess. This clearly hasn’t driven me to suicide yet but who knows.

Cause of Death: Suicide 3/14/2019 - 9:14 pm

I used to prefer being alone. Now the only companionship I can find is through strangers since they warped me. All the people that know me, god I despise them, I’d kill myself just so they wouldn’t know me furthermore maybe then I could get some peace from the crowds of ugliness.

Cause of Death: Suicide 3/14/2019 - 9:15 pm

It’s usually like the same three people that follow me around day and night, they are the only people that know me though. But they only just think they know me because I’ve been around them one time for 3 minutes to an hour.

LiquidHuman 3/15/2019 - 10:47 pm

Welcome to the club.

It’s not a very fun club, I can tell you that. But at least there are people who can share your pain. I’m one of them. I’ve never been able to communicate worth shit. Part of it’s the fact that I’m an aspie, the other part is because I’ve never gotten enough practice. I don’t know your situation, but one of the best ways to get better at communicating is to put yourself out there. I know that seems easier said than done. But try and start small. A lot of people suggest trying to initiate a conversation, but really, I feel like that is one of the hardest things for a social awkward person to do. Instead, maybe go to places where you’re with a group of people all centered around some kind of task. Like charity or something like that. During those times the focus isn’t on you, but on the activity, soo it’s way easier to talk to people.
And about the person who’s not interested, don’t be too hard on yourself. I know that’s wishful thinking, and I don’t know what their like, but if their not interested, that’s their loss. You seem like a good person, just a little insecure in yourself. So maybe pick yourself up and find someone who likes you for who you are now, not what you could become.
This all feels like really generic, uninspired advice, but hopefully this helps you in some way.
Take care.

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