Looking back on what I’ve posted here a year to a year and a half ago, it’s so weird to me. As if I’m not the one who actually wrote those things. The negativity in those posts made me cringe, but I guess it can be good to vent sometimes. I’m in a better place now, though I still have my lows and struggle with insecurities. Despite this, I’d like to think things will turn out okay.
I’m angry with my mother because I recently discovered that she violated my privacy very badly, which she had no right to do. I’ve been on the fence about confronting her for days now, but I just haven’t gained the courage to do so. I thought today was gonna be the day, but when I had the chance I froze up and was filled with anxiety, so I stayed silent. I don’t know if I could handle the tension of living here after confronting her because the soonest I could possibly move out is several months away. I’m frustrated with myself because I want her to know exactly how I feel and that what she did wasn’t okay.
I’d like to think I have a lot of decent qualities, but one thing I’d like to change about myself more than anything is my painful inability to communicate well. I’m terrible at articulating myself and having conversations, and it’s extremely frustrating. I can’t help wondering what went wrong during the time I was developing into an adult, but it’s my biggest insecurity and I feel so bad about it. I don’t think I’m fun to be around because I’m so socially awkward and I think it’s at least part of the reason the person I’m interested in doesn’t feel the same.
I tried but I’m just not good enough for my friends. I’m sorry for ever bothering you guys. I’ll just leave you alone from now on.
There’s nothing wrong with my life. I have friends, a good education, a loving/supportive family, I’ve been doing the things I love, I pretty much have everything I want, I’m not homeless, and my health is great. Yet I’ve still been suffering mentally and emotionally. I don’t understand.
Despite what I think of myself, I still have a reason or two to keep holding on. So maybe I’ll just stick around for now.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve hated myself. I feel stupid and worthless, like I have no real place in this world. There’s something wrong with me because I always struggle so much to know what to say. I’m pathetic, too much of a coward to stand up for what I believe in and so unmotivated I won’t amount to anything. I’m so ashamed of myself, I’m nothing more than a bad mistake. Instead of continuing to be a mistake, I’ll go ahead and do something I should have done a long time ago: end my stupid existence. This will do so many people a favor, I won’t be a burden on myself or anyone else ever again. Goodbye everyone, it’s time for me to leave this world. I’m sorry for ever plaguing you with the virus that is me.