I’d disappear from society and die this minute but I know there are a few good-hearted people who care, family and friends who’d go crazy over my sudden absence and ruin themselves with worry. I’m fucking chained to them, so I know what it is like to be a prisoner and I guess that’s I’ve got this pathological hatred for all those smug assholes who keep birdcages and fishbowls in their dainty fancy sweet little homes. Who gave you the goddamn rights to hold back the birds from flying and the fish from swimming freely out in the real world. Why not just kill and eat them? That’d atleast release them from their existential misery, bitches. I feel like smashing an aquarium to pieces, but I guess that’d kill the fish too. Hell I swear I’m gonna set some birds free before I die even if that means violence. Do not go gentle into that good night…
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I recognize the prison part all too well. Strange how we keep hanging on because of others but we do. If were not for my therapist and family obligations I am sure my ashes would have been scattered long ago.
I feel like I am chained here too… to people I don’t even care much for… its too bad but I don’t know how to change anything. It’s always been this bad. I wouldn’t much consider them family and I am in no way obligated to them. The only thing I can think is they might get money from me being a claimed dependent. Dunno. Probably would help them actually financially were I to ‘disappear’ but I make a point to not do much of anything to not be a financial burden…