Hey, hey look its me. I’m still here. Wow. Where to begin?
I was going to kill myself in december. but the more i read about the method i had chosen, i decided i couldnt do it. that manner, the only feasible manner i could and can currently find, is alas, unconscionable. But so is my existence.
I wonder if i could crowd source those i have alienated over the course of my life for the money to buy some better means of suicide? Because that’s what I’ve been up to. Alienating everyone. Getting sexually assaulted by one of my girlfriends, twice, breaking up with both of them. I have no energy. I have no control. I hurt myself with food every day. I can’t get the help I need, i’m going nowhere quick. quit cigarettes though.
I have nowhere to turn to and no one to talk to. So, i talk to yall here.
whats everyone been up to the last few months?
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I’ve been getting sexually assaulted also (its kind of weird actually) but really horrendous and violent. I think it is some homophobe that wants to murder me because I am a homosexual. (They’ve raped and molested me 160 times in the last 4 years.)
Well, i use this method. Go to YouTube, watch lives. Chat with them. The youtubers i watch are Virtual Youtuber that speak…. Japanese. Cuz i love japanese. Some englisher are there, too. I chat with them. And whenever my comment is being seen by the live-er and replied in the live, it cheers me up a whole lot. I mean, i didnt experience things like being raped and all, but i experienced commiting suicide. All pressure for me to go to school just to be mad at, its killing me. So i came here… To talk to everyone, too. Yaayy…. Me too… Cheer up… Chat with someone online isnt bad… Right? Being pen pals can be better than friends…