I Think I’m Lost

My life is falling apart. I lost a partner for no reason, there is so much crap going on in my friend group and I got involved on the wrong side by mistake. Now if I tell anyone about it my social life will go down the drain. I lasted 4 years with minimal self harm, and then it was only bites. Recently though, I’ve started cutting myself. My arm is already slit up and I cant tell anyone about it. I know it’s wrong but somehow knowing the physical pain will heal and go away makes better sense and gives me a kind of hope. Like maybe when the cuts heal so will my metaphorical cuts? I know it sounds silly but cutting myself may be the only thing keeping me alive. I have no where else to turn to, and I can’t put my family through that pain, but I fear the end in creeping up on me like some sort of mangled beast bent on my demise. I constantly get mocked for having a more artistic side and being short and stubby. I am so unbearably lonely that I just ache and feel numb. Very little things bring me joy and I am constantly picking out ways to leave this world for whenever I need to. I just want something, someone, anyone, to just be there. To wrap me up in their arms and tell me everything will be okay. I am seeing a therapist but I cant say that’s its working for me. What can I do?