I think it’s settled

I know it is time. My best friend’s elderly parents moved in and there is one too few rooms. He would have a better time if I left. At least easier. My other closest friend doesn’t strike me as the type that will be too shook by my departure. My degree program requires constant use of stimulants just to barely get by and I can’t fight my depression so hard anymore. It is becoming Adderoll resistant. I’ve had migraines for years and the worst recently lasted weeks. I just need to get my affairs in order, make sure trash is cleared out and my things are neatly packed away so that I can minimize the tough act of going through a dead friend’s belongings. I’m going to have to write one hell of an apology to my mother. I just don’t see myself participating in this circus anymore. I am ready to go. I think I am afraid the most about hurting my cats. Humans can somewhat understand depression, but the most gutting feeling of my gatos waiting outside my bedroom door when I will never come out again is pretty gutting. I already made the playlist When I Go. It is all the music I wish to hear on my way out. I haven’t decided the method and am not seeking to through here as it doesn’t matter what the internet says. It is my own decision ultimately. Saying goodbye without getting caught is going to be hard too. I think I’ll avoid all that and just save it for the letters.

-Turning Blue