I’ve been on other sites and it’s been a while since I last posted here. I accidentally met someone there and we’ve been in a relationship since the last two weeks. I know that I am happy, that I love him and that he loves me. He’s so sure of us. I’m also sure that I want to be with him but there’s one thing holding me back. I’m scared that I might break my promise and end my life before I can even see him.
I’m not gonna lie that the depression is still there. Yes I am happy but I’m barely getting up from bed if I don’t have to do my responsibilities as a daughter, a sibling, an older sister to my cousins, and being an aunt. It was like that since the beginning. I was programed to clean the house as soon as I wake up and take care of my grandparents as well as my cousins and nephews or nieces whenever they come here. Other than that i read a book or play the piano or watch a tv series.
That’s how my life worked setting aside the mental illness thing. But now I am happy even though I mainly exist for him now not for myself. I want to stand back up again and to get out of this but it’s just so hard. I don’t search ways on how to do it anymore. But I still wish not to wake up the next morning everyday. I still haven’t thrown the things I bought to kill myself and my notes to my friends are still with me.
I really want to be happy. I really want to be with him. I am sure. He is sure. We are both sure. My mind is the only problem. It won’t stop playing tricks on me. I’m scared of myself. I’m afraid that I’ll lose control.
6 comments
Hi. There’s so much I would like to say.
Our minds can play tricks on us but we can outsmart them. Surround yourself with positive and encouraging PEOPLE, books, websites, TV shows, anything positive that you can get your hands on. Weed out all of the negative, Fear filled and hopeless literature, movies, tv shows, websites etc. start saying positive things out loud to yourself. Say whatever you wish to be true and repeat it out loud, like you believe it, several times a day. You’ll see what happens. I have a quick story… Years ago I had learned this and I decided to try it, so one day as I was doing the dishes, I started saying I have so much energy and I just kept repeating it over and over again. Later that day I said out loud wow I can’t believe how much energy I have where did I get all of this energy? Just then I remembered what I had done earlier in the day! Take back your power!
Please enjoy this song! Hoping and praying for the best for you!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9PugD11k3JU
Thank you the song is really good I was teary eyed. I know I replied too late sorry. I’ll try doing what you said
You’ve been suffering for a long time now. Maybe, you can do it just a tiny bit longer? Death will always be an option. But the option to be with him i think might be worth the bit more time of suffering
Yeah it is and I only realized it now. Thank you.
Did you know, that past trauma can cause a person to form a habit of crushing too hard… Or forming obsessions with people. After two weeks, you seem sure. It’s gratifying to wait and get to know the other. Two weeks? Practical strangers. 🙂 I’m wondering how it’s going with this one. I’ve heard of a few stories where this kind of story remains successful.
Watch him be a foolish flop. Hard to see when he’s cute at first.