I’ve been considering ending it all. The first girl I ever opened myself to has left me. She helped me through abuse and sexual assault. I’m a male and never talked about it to anyone. To keep her I broke my family and my relationship with them. I had three mentors, all in February took their lives one after another. My girl left me on Christmas eve, right after I came home from MEPS to join the army. I passed but now I wished I didn’t. It’s difficult when shaving to not just slice my neck. I shave with a straight razor. I may stop just to limit my chances. It’s difficult. I want to help people in the world and being a combat medic is what god is calling me to do. But the pain just hurts and I have no way to express it. I don’t want to do it but my time is limited and I hurt and I don’t want to hurt emotionally anymore. This year has been up down only. Found what was the love of my life, PTSD from abuse returns, Finally work through it, Mentors take their lives, get through it and build bonds with her parents, I fail high school because I got sick and depressed. I finished school but didn’t walk. Its been up down and I just cant keeping going anymore. I don’t know when I’m going to just finish it but it may be soon and I’m scared. I’ve been having chronic dreams and night terrors that keep me up at night. My family and my girl being raped and skinned alive to much worse. I cry every time I wake up.