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In Limbo

by Icy_Dawn

I don’t know where to start. Sometimes it’s just like why do I even bother. There are days when people say hey how are you feeling or you know hey how’s your day going? And it’s like what am I supposed to say that slowly dying on the inside that I’ve been secretly contemplating suicide lately? That I don’t even know how I get out of bed in the morning if it wasn’t for muscle memory I’m sure I would just lay there. Luckily for work I’ve been able to mask my feelings by putting on the facade. I can go and smile at people you know you know just the typical BS to get through the day. I try to focus on work and put everything out of my mind.

That does not work and ultimately I’m back in the same space. I hate myself up you know thinking about all the positive things that I’ve done lately and how much I’ve improved and it’s like yeah okay come on yeah we got this good day today good day today and it’ll be open till I hear from her. And it will be a good conversation you know and then I say alright love you she just replies okay bye and then all that all of that bravado all that confidence I had gone. Well on the plus side I have come to the conclusion that Tuesday is going to be a very very important day and knows not going to be no try to Suicide it’s just going to be a huge deciding factor and if I continue to pursue her or do I have to ultimately stop until then limbo

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