I suck at my new job…. First actual day and it went horribly, I wish I was dead…. I have no value I can’t do this, I will fail I know I will fail…. at least I don’t have to go back for awhile, at least it is part time…. This time I’ll fail because I am a failure that nobody wants, not because I have a complete breakdown and tear up my face and have to stop showing up. -_- I’ll probably be able to avoid that just doing 2-3 days per week, which is good.
Still after just 6 hours I feel like dying, I made so many small mistakes, I’m a failure. It just reminds me of this, it isn’t worth the money that I got for it, it’s a large amount of money, far more than I’m used to having even for an entire month for just 6 hours of my time…. But I just fall apart as soon as I get to my car, I was planning on shopping after work today but I couldn’t I just wanted to go home and curl up and die. Sadly I’m still alive.
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ok ill be honest i mostly only read the first sentence because im still waking up but i already know what i want to say and i have a feeling the majority of the rest of it is just you saying mean things about yourself.
it was your first day. no one absolutely positively NO ONE is going to be a professional on the first day. not gordon ramsey, not albert einstien, not picasso, and if anyone tells you any different they are lying. the closest they might be able to come to it being truth is maybe they just figured out how to do it a bit quicker then someone else but they ARE NOT PROFESSIONALS IN THE FIRST 24 HOURS. and thats ok. sometimes it takes people a little bit longer to pick something up then others. here let me give you an example.
theres a spelling test at the end of the week. you have 2 kids. 1 is thinking “oh i got this” while the other is going “uh oh, i cant spell half those words” the one thats “got this” isnt going to study because they feel they dont need to. the second kid studies his ass off all week. finally test day shows up. they both take the test and by the end of class get their test results. the first kid gets a B, while the second one got an A. why? because practice makes perfect.
your next day at work, if you can, try to take a step back and breath when you feel you are starting to get stressed out. its like a puzzle, and each piece is something you have to do. for as long as you are stressed that puzzle is going to be a mess and will never get put together. but if you take a step back and breath, as the stress goes away the puzzle starts to become more clear.
i hope i helped you at least a little bit. and trust me you are not a failure, just stressed starting a new job like any other person in the world would be. you are not a failure you are normal. 🙂
It’s an entry level job though, I should be able to do it just fine…. I’m sure I was far worse than anybody else ever was at it, I felt useless…. I hated it, and I know that next time it’ll be the same because it’s not even going to be the same job really -_- merh
And I know I won’t master anything on the first day, I would just like to not be the worst at things that most normal people do without much struggle…. I am aiming for average, I doubt I’ll ever get there. Mastering anything is far out of my reach, I have never accomplished that, it’s far outside of my reach. I am far too lazy to be able to do anything enough to master it. -_-
I’m sorry for arguing….
dont be sorry, you were just showing me your point of view. just remember to breath is all i ask. i have faith in you 🙂
and I’ve only managed an hour of sleep tonight…. And last night before work I only managed to get 3. I’m tired and I would really enjoy sleep.
sleep would certainly help. did you ever try white noise, meditating before sleep. or maybe melatonin, its nothing more then a supplement for whats already in your brain. like serotonin is for happiness melatonin is for sleep. (just in case you didnt know)
Yes I have tried all of those…. I’m unwilling to try actual sleep medicine, I doubt it would work. Actual white noise makes me anxious though, generally I do sleep best with sound though, silence is very uncomfortable for me.
for me the radio helped. i had the country station on 24/7. maybe you could make a playlist of songs you like to fall asleep too
No sleep is stressful. Hopefully everything gets better for you. Keep a pace and pick up the pieces your own way. Maybe it’s just a hard week for now