So the topic of todays post.
How do you feel about where you currently are in life? And im not looking for a simple you hate it. Why do you hate it? What about it do you hate? Have you gotten use to it?
Personally, im a little bit of both. In some moments thats my life and whatever. In other moments i hate it. I hate always changing my mind. Not being able to stick with anything. I hate how it feels like i lack control over most if not all things. Do i want to hit my head off the wall? No, but i just do it even after it starts hurting. Some of the things i say….i have no idea. My husband will say something to me and ill look at him all confused because i forgot we were having a conversation or even what it was about. I literally forget everything about it. So thats some of what i hate about my disorders. There might be more i dont remember lol *disappointed sigh*
Oh the song reminded me that there is one other thing. Im always telling my friend that hes better off without me. And sometimes ill even stop talking to him. But that never lasts for long. Not even 24hrs. And i HATE that.
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For the most part I have everything I want and I’m happy with my little family in our little home. I get overly frustrated over stupid little things at home, like shoes in the middle of the floor or people squashing my couch pillows, lol, but when it’s clean I love home.
I hate my job, though some of the people are good, my stress goes through the roof every time I get another email or call these days.
I love the area I live, it’s beautiful and warm. Love the outdoors.
I hate that I can’t just be happy and have fun. I hate that my thoughts control me and I can’t build connections with people like a normal person. I always feel like a nuisance so I only have one friend who is closer than an acquaintance and I feel like a nuisance to her too but she comes around to me so that helps.
Overall, I love my life but hate myself. Mostly.
I hate that I’m fat and ugly