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It’s over

by aCicada

She threw it like it’s nothing
after all we’ve done together.
5 years of being
2 years of being engaged

My parents loved her
as their own child
they treated her no different
like me and my younger brother
They raised and taught us to be a
responsible and a caring
My brother has been losing weight
because of the new situation.
He said he hasn’t been feeling well.
To my mom.
Just to her.
I shed tears when she told me
in front of her
for the first time after many years
“I’d give my other part of me to him.”
I thought myself.

I loved her
the same way
by being on her side by bed
when she was sick
at late hourly nights
we’ve woken up
many blissful mornings.

I have my own flaws of course
Like being an introvert
and anxious
and oblivious.

My family is rich I have to admit
but I never liked to be seen like that
in a sense of materialistic way
thats what keeps me away from
other people.

One night
Long while ago
We had a discussion
at the most richest place
you can ever find.
My brother was in a business trip
and he decided to take our
family together.
I told her that every bit of precious thing
im seeing there is tormeting me.
I don’t feel like I belong here
I don’t want to see fake smiles
on faces of this kind of people.
There were hideous things I could see
behind their walls.
I don’t belong to be in the same place
with these people.
“We should make our life the way we want”
We’ll have our apartment
our kids
and grow them with love.
Although I’m not against of being wealthy
we should always strive for it as long as we live.
Don’t get me wrong.

Back at our home
we had a simple life.
Our work
Then all the remaining day
For each other.

Tonight she spotted another flaw of me
that of not being sincere.
Not with her
But with my own self.
Thats the only thing I agreed with her
apart from other ridiculous arguments.
I’m the one who have to bear
the weight of new reality now.
I realized that unknowingly
during this long journey
may have skipped many
emotional moments
We didn’t agree upon
just for the sake of going on
with our relationship.
I chose to close my eyes
on something dangerous that would go on
and on in a vicious circle
I didn’t realize that would
affect the relationship.
I am to blame here.
But I did it because I thought
there are more important things to do and discuss.
And just like that
she went out
and closed my car door furiously.

I don’t know what I am feeling right now.
But I’m sure for the most part it’s anxiety and fear.
It’s eating me on my inside and
I just can’t stand
in the same place for a while.
I can’t think straight
It’s oh my god..


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mountaingoat 5/12/2020 - 8:54 pm

Ya, you’re going through it alright.

I’ve had that too. Not being able to stand in a place for awhile. Been there. It’s horrible. Very intense torment.

She left me for a guy nine years younger than me. I lost my house and kids and mind and I’ll never recover.

I have no money or rich family to speak of either.

I bet you will recover. You’ve got a lot going for you and this wasn’t the mother of your kids.

But for now you’re going through it.

Something or someone will come along for you and you’ll be happy again.

aCicada 5/12/2020 - 10:41 pm

Thank you mountaingoat for encouraging words. Honestly I feel really sorry what you’ve been through and I understand you’re in much worse situation. I can only imagine what is like Iosing your family and wealth at once. I really hope you find strength to step up and find your way through. I think you deserve to see your kids grow and be with them. Your kids should be your motivation.

As for my own problem I’m just in state of shock. It’s hard to comprehend what happened and how it happened in just a little time. I’ve never imagined it would happen after all. My fear is how my family will cope with this considering how bound we’re together. It’s a fast change for my old people and my brother. I’ve made up my mind. I’m not going back anymore.
The worst thing is not over yet because we live in traditional conservative way. Our parents should also resolve things between them. And sometimes it can go really wrong at this point. They don’t deserve it not a single bit. This is what It’s eating myself inside. To get unrightfully blamed for someone they once treated as their daughter.

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