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Be strong… sure

by Abnormal.Thoughts

I don’t want to be the one holding up the world any longer. I can’t watch him die and I can’t watch her grow to struggle and suffer in this world.

I’m tired of being the strong one all the time. I’m tired of biting back the tears and putting on a smile when things look grim. Someone just hold me and tell me it’s okay to be not okay.

I love you… but this is too hard to watch and I’m crumbling. I’m crumbling.

Why can’t life be easy? I just want everything to be alright.

I wish this was goodnight but it looks like another sleepless night holding the world on my shoulders so it doesn’t crush anyone else.

I wish this was goodbye, but even that I can’t do without the very foundations crumbling.

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no name 6/15/2020 - 4:16 am

No one can be expected to be strong all the time. Everyone needs to release and relax every now and again. I personally like to go for walks and talk to myself as a way to let my emotions out. Or lay down in a field and relax on a nice day. 🙂

Abnormal.Thoughts 6/15/2020 - 5:45 am

I do love to walk; I walk a lot actually. I just walk and think to clear my head and organize my thoughts. I guess I’ll just hold myself together too.

My family and friends need me to be strong. It seems like they always do. It’s not their fault I guess.

As soon as I stop holding things together it will all spring apart and no one is bringing the tools to keep it together without me. I just feel like crying myself to sleep at this point.

no name 6/15/2020 - 5:50 am

Did you ever try something to help you sleep? Maybe a nice indica or melatonin. I personally use melatonin.

Abnormal.Thoughts 6/15/2020 - 5:58 am

I had some Indica earlier actually before everything happened. It’s just an eventful night. I’m sitting at the hospital with my husband. The docs aren’t sure what was/is wrong but I honestly believed he would be dead before the day was over when I called the ambulance and they brought him in unconscious. He came around since then but it just stressed the hell out of me. I know the day will come; I’ve had nightmares about it and try to mentally prepare myself to be alone again. I signed up for this when I married him. I didn’t react so poorly when he had emergency heart surgery two years ago, I guess I was in a different state of mind at the time and it was very surreal. This time it hit me hard in the face with a reality check.

Sbilko 6/15/2020 - 7:26 am

Please, have a break from here.

Please, consider the following example: there is a tornado near, and you’re holding unto a strong fire-hydrant; and you’re seeing people getting sucked in by the tornado, you’re the person who tries to reach out his hand to as many people as possible. Yet your muscles are only so much strong; if you try too hard, your muscles will tire and you will get sucked into the tornado like the rest of the people here.

Please, take a break from here, you deserve it more than any of us do.

Sbilko 6/15/2020 - 7:28 am

*her hand
*you’re more deserving of a time to relax, away from the torments of this place, more than any of us have earned.

Abnormal.Thoughts 6/15/2020 - 8:17 am

I appreciate it, I don’t deserve it any more than anyone else, but thank you for the support. I’m still holding on tight.

Rainwatch 6/15/2020 - 9:31 am

I hope your husband’s condition stabilizes. In the meantime No names advice is right on the money a joint of Indica will put u asleep, have a joint with a cup of tea and confectionery circa 9pm and retire to bed around 11, u will be asleep within 30 mins! Speaking from personal experience sleeping pills should be avoided at all costs.

no name 6/15/2020 - 9:38 am

If you’re referring to the melatonin it’s a supplement for something that is already in your brain. If not the disregard this lol.

Sleeping medication itself though yeah I’d avoid unless you like never slept and nothing else is helping.

Rainwatch 6/15/2020 - 9:42 am

Yeah I’ve heard of melatonin it’s a natural hormone not addictive, sleeping pills on the other hand are too addictive and should only be used as a last resort.

no name 6/15/2020 - 9:52 am

There’s a lot of things that should only be a last resort. But nooo. Like before I even had a proper diagnosis so they knew what they were dealing with they started putting me on antipsychotics. That’s like going to the doc and saying my arm is tender. “here take these high powered pain killers” “umm don’t you want to figure out what’s wrong first?” lol

Rainwatch 6/15/2020 - 10:03 am

Yeah they tried to put me on antipsychotics too olanzipine, I took it for a week, felt like shit, then stopped cold turkey, then when I heard about the dangers of anti psychotics ( involuntary facial twitching for life) I knew I was correct to stop.

Abnormal.Thoughts 6/15/2020 - 10:07 am

Thanks, I will keep that in mind. He’s stable and doing as good as can be expected. They don’t know what was wrong, doesn’t seem like we’re figuring it out either. Hopefully it doesn’t happen again.

no name 6/15/2020 - 10:21 am

They had me on that drug. It either made me sleep for 15-20hrs or give me a wicked headache and an upset stomach. I can’t remember they had me on 3 different ones.

Rainwatch 6/15/2020 - 11:09 am

@abnormal.thoughts that’s good that he’s stable. Try and get him out of that hospital asap, due to this pandemic this is not a good time to be in hospital.
@No Name it made me really lethargic, it was a while ago so I don’t remember if there was headaches. They push Olanzipine on you as if they have shares in the company or something. Always remember these “Doctors” don’t take antipsychotics themselves, that says it all.

no name 6/15/2020 - 11:13 am

I’m not disagreeing but they shouldnt take meds they don’t need. That’s like saying I don’t want this surgeon to work on me, they’ve never had a surgery.

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