The worst part isn’t the loneliness, or the emptiness, or the coldness.
It’s the fact that people care, that the people in my life love me.
No matter how much I wish everyone hated me or how much I wish nobody cared,
if I died I would be missed.
Did you know that sometimes when a mother’s child dies, she only lives a few years after? My mom says that when a mother’s child dies, the mother loses her will to live;
the driving force for life. The fact that people care feels like my last hope has been ripped away from me. Tell me I’m spoiled and that I’m selfish for wanting to die when there are so many people who care. I tell myself that every day. It all hurts so much.
I just want the pain to stop, is that so bad?
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3 comments
No, you are not selfish for feeling the way you feel. It’s not your fault. Yet you’re so lucky to have friends and family caring for you: many don’t have this chance. Therefore, let their love fuel your will to live. Go and do good in the world, help people in need, show affection to those around you. You’re a beautiful human with a kind heart. Love like you have been loved since the very beginning and your happiness will never end.
I get how you feel. I might not be in the exact position as you but I feel the same way. I wanna cut ties with everyone but I’m afraid to cause them harm. I want to leave but can’t. Sometimes having people makes me feel better but sometimes having them makes me feel worse. I know I shouldn’t be feeling that way because I have people who actually cares about me. But I can’t help but feel that way sometimes. They’re trying to save me but little did they know that I’m the one who keeps choosing to fall, to break, to shatter. I don’t know myself, I don’t know what I actually want. I want them here but I can’t stop myself from feeling shit.
This used to be me