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I finally found something im passionate about, something that keeps me sane, keeps the bad thought away. i found something in gardening that put me at peace. gave me the motivation to wake up and look forward to something. some may not understand this, but it is my therapy. and today my father said, “you tell us every time theres a new leaf, every little thing.” and to me that was a real big slap in the face with a “we dont care, shut up.” I dont understand why cant anyone just be happy for me. all day i sit there and i listen to everything everyone has to say, about their day, about god damn politics. and i sit there and i listen, i try my best to engage in a conversation. but when it comes to me loving, caring, being happy and passionate about something im just annoying and it doesnt matter. every time i open my mouth i can just see how annoyed everyone gets, and sometimes they even talk over me. ive been at my lowest point of my life and no one has noticed. i guess its a good thing they dont notice so they wont ship me off to a mental hospital. but still, cant you just ask im okay for once? i told my mom i lost 6 plus pounds in a week and all she said was, “well you havent been eating.” well, thanks im glad you noticed that much. but cant even noticed why. especially when i normally do eat a lot. they just dont care. and i guess i shouldnt either.

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darkwillow 7/2/2020 - 4:13 am

The problem isn’t you. It’s the people around you. My family doesnt care that I’m passionate about playing music. They see it as a waste of time. But not everyone does.

I watched a video a long time ago where a depression group started a local gardening community. This group was prescribed pills, alternative mindsets, therapies, but none of these methods came near as close to lightening their depression as group gardening did.

If you want to watch the video, its titled “the lonliness epidemic” on youtube.

Dont let your toxic family ruin what makes you happy

Abnormal.Thoughts 7/2/2020 - 8:12 am

I had much the same issue when I was younger, it was like the signals I was putting off were backwards; if I was depressed no one knew or thought I was happy, and when I was in a really good mood is when everyone would ask if something was wrong.
Family sometimes can’t see past the expectations they have of you, it can be right in their face and they wouldn’t see it. Maybe you should find a group that shares your interests so you can share with people who would be interested?

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