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I beg God………. Nothing

by tired123

I have been on this site off and on for 4 years…. I have had depression WAY longer than that. I want to scream HELP ME!!! But I don’t think anyone or anything can. I have tried medication, counseling and so on. My last counselor told me she doesn’t like treating people like me because they are too hard to help. Then she stopped taking my appointments. HA HA HA I have to laugh because if i dont I will just have to face the fact that I am beyond help.
I’m tired of being pathetic. I’m tired of living for other people. My brain and body are just tired though I can never sleep well, or I want to sleep when I shouldnt.
At this point I think I am just posting this so I can just say how I really feel. Because I don’t dare tell anyone. If I told anyone how I really feel I am afraid I would be put in a hospital. I did that once around 2007. All it did was nothing. And let me see that some people are REALLY CRAZY!! It scared me to death and I just pretended to be “better” to get the hell out of there.
I keep begging and praying for God’s help. But…….. nothing.
I love my family, my husband, but not my life or myself. I hang on for them. But I can’t be making them happy. Im not who they deserve. They deserve so much more than I am. I even find myself pushing one of my kids away because she has so much drama in her life it pushes me over the edge and I just cant do it. She needs a better Mom. (She is an adult) I want to be there for her but I just cant because it feels like my head will just POP from the pressure. I love her and I want her to feel loved. But I just SUCK
Help please just help…………nothing

4 comments
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4 comments

BrokenInside123 8/10/2020 - 6:34 am

I understand you’re struggling and I’m sorry. But you need to stiffen your spine and be there for your family. Especially your daughter. They love you and all they want is for you to be happy too. They deserve you, and to have you be present in their lives. Happiness starts with you. Take simple pleasure in the small victories life presents us with, and work your way towards a bigger goal.

Black Holez 8/10/2020 - 6:37 am

I understand, I feel the same way. It’s like there’s no escape, is there? Once you get into this hole, it’s very hard to come out. Yes, there are people who do make it out but I think they’re a dime a dozen. Most probably kill themselves or attempt suicide until they go to the loony bin because they can’t take it anymore.

muspelhem 8/10/2020 - 1:14 pm

Have you seen Todd Grande’s YouTube channel? He’s a psychologist.

tired123 8/12/2020 - 12:29 am

No I have not seen it but I will look it up.

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