When you realise that people you care about are actually against you. They want to know what’s going on in your life but not for the right reasons. Some people like to compete and play games. 29 years of having to endure relationships where people take and play mind games. I literally have no body I can talk to because none of them really wish me well. It won’t matter soon. The more I let go of these things the more I realise there is nothing to fear from being alone. I can feel and act however I like. I just pray that one day I just find the strength and courage to finally end everything. I feel trapped in a space of not wanting to live and not wanting to kill myself. I can’t see any other escape from all this shit other than realeasing my soul. I have tried to fight but with no real family or friends there are only much I can do to push through. I know it’s better to be alone so when I finally decide to go through with it I don’t have to answer to anyone or be judged. I don’t want to do this on a whim needs to be perfectly planned so that everything goes well. Fuck friends and family they where.neber there for me when I needed them anyway.