I’m numb. I really don’t feel much and I am constantly thinking of ways to die. All the time. All the fucking time. But what’s stopping me? Lots is actually. But I know that won’t last long. I know it’ll get worse and that I’ll try and kill myself again. I know it. It’s been like this for the last 4 years. I don’t know if I have the strength to break the pattern. I really don’t. Give me something tangible to hold onto. Give me something real. Give me something that will actually stop me this time.