Cuts

I don’t know if it helps, but the person you’re with must see something valuable in you if she wants to be with you, right? Do you respect this girl’s opinions and tastes? Do you trust her? If so, that would suggest she can see something good in you that she genuinely values, even if you can’t see it in yourself right now. (Tough love version: You have no right to tell her what she values in you isn’t real/worth her time/care/love, and no right to take something she loves (you) away from her just b/c you don’t like yourself/can’t see or believe what she loves about you rn. You’d break her heart by doing so.)

Also well done on the 6 months clean from cutting! As a fellow cutter myself that’s a huge achievement, and it isn’t diminished by you relapsing (which often happens quite a bit as you work towards healing, and is nothing to be ashamed of! A lot of doctors actually believe part of the process of beating addiction is occasional relapse.) Re: getting better, I totally understand that feeling of “nothing ever improves, every step forward I take turns into five back, I think I’m just meant to be miserable”. It’s super-easy to fall into that when things have felt and/or been shitty for so long.

But you moved forward before, right? You were clean for 6 whole months, which is NOT an easy thing to pull off, and you’re getting into a relationship with an awesome girl. That’s gotta be an improvement on how things were before, which suggests that things can get better again from here, too. It can be impossible to believe that when you’re feeling like shit, but sometimes if we just wait for a little bit and keep living, things can get better of their own accord. Light starts to shine in through the cracks, without us having to do much of anything but breathe and just see where life takes us.

I hope even some of this was helpful, and I really hope you can feel better and things can get brighter for you soon, friend. Sending you strength, and hugs if you want ‘em.