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Tired

by LostintheWreckage

I am so tired of

Doctors
Medication
Blood tests
Needles
Pain
Waking up in hospitals being told I’m “lucky to be alive”
Doctors telling me they don’t know why
Hospital food
The sound of the medication timer
My body surprising me with new symptoms and dangerous complications.
My mind turning into mush
Spending holidays in the hospital
Being poked and prodded by ppl in scrubs, talking in hushed tones, while the moniter beeps
Iv poles
Fighting to get thru work
Calling in sick to work
Having to fake it for the camera
Telling men on first dates
Telling friends I’m too sick
Telling family I don’t feel well enough to go
People not believing me bc I look so healthy
Almost passing out infront of clients
Having to cancel on clients
Needing people to care for me
Asking for help
Getting a cold or flu or debilitating infection from just from getting dressed and socializing for a few hours
Ruining vacations with er visits
Pushing past my limits and still not being good enough
Being me

I am so tired of
Being young and sick and mentally ill
So many years of fighting
I have had enough.
I’m not strong enough

2 comments
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2 comments

Jhecev 12/27/2020 - 10:39 am

I’m sorry about everything. You know a lot of times people have a lot wrong in their life but a lot good too. You’re probably cool and have fun sometimes. It’s my birthday today but I’m just on here reading your writing. Guess it’s what I wanna do. I’m not saying that everybody is like me but I had problems at the hospital and the best thing for me was to get away from it. I found I was better on my own. Again, I don’t know your situation but mental health treatment is almost always bad and unhelpful. They gave my family a bunch of pills and it made one person die, another kind of went nuts, another brain damaged. I’m just super skeptical of the hospital and people. I remember in med school everyone knew they only had so many spots in the program and everyone was a jerk to each other trying to get them to quit so they would have a better chance and then they could take all the money from sick people. They’re are good people but it seems to be a rarity. You have to look at yourself and determine what you need and then go get it. You just gotta figure it out. Do not mess with the hospital. My advise would just to be strong and look for the good in life and try and forget the bad. The next time you’re feeling happy or laughing or something remember some internet guy say ha I caught you. I live for the good moments even though sometimes they’re few and far between.

LostintheWreckage 12/27/2020 - 12:04 pm

Thx for the helpful advice and encouragement. Was referring to a health related issue, not a mental health one. Though, I share your skepticism for American western medicine, particularly psychiatric medicine, which is the worst of all the branches, in my experience. Yoga snd kundalini breathwork are better than counseling. Can’t tell you how many times I tried talk therapy & psychotropics; never stuck with it. Wld rather see a shaman weekly. If only insurance covered it. Lol
The world is indeed beautiful and full of amazing people and experiences. The world isn’t the issue; I am. ;).

Happy Birthday to you!

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